21st April - 24th April

On Friday the 21st, at 6.30 mum and dad came to collect us to get us to the vets for 8.40 check in. I knew we would be early however if we set off later then we would be too late and miss our slot with the vet. We got there round 8 so sat outside for a while and both of them went to sleep!! We headed in round 8.35, leaving Jade in the car and taking Harry in alone. As always with any surgery, Brendan talked me through what was going to be done, what the risks were and I reminded them to clean his teeth whilst he was under sedation. He said that they should be done round 2pm or so. At 2.30 having not heard anything I phoned to see how they were getting on. The nurse told me that Brendan was still 'working on the mass' but that his chest x-ray and blood work came back clear and that they were happy that it was just this one tumour.

At around half 4 Brendan called to say that he had finished and the nurses were cleaning Harry up in recovery but that the operation had been much bigger than expected. He suggested that we head over around 7.30 to collect him after they had finished for the day. I asked one of the vets if it had been a big job and she said it had and it was a bit of a mess, I ended up a bit upset and crying so they got me some tissues and offered me a cup of tea (funny how when someone is crying that's what we do!!!). Around 7.40, Brendan carried Harry though to the room.  He was still totally out of it and wearing a large pressure bandage around his back end over the dressings. With him being as he was, I said to Brendan that I would prefer him to stay in overnight and he totally agreed with me on this and said that he had been going to suggest it. We arranged to come over on the Saturday to see him and hopefully collect him but this was very much fluid depending on how he was. 

On Saturday the 22nd we went to collect a greyhound to re-home on behalf of the charity that we help out with, and took him to his new mum. As we were driving too and fro I phoned to see how he had been and spoke with Brendan who said that he had had a quiet night, had gone out for a wee in the morning and had ended up fainting due to the lactate build up in his muscles (either that or he looked at his bum!!). As he came round, one of the practice cats, Eric was headbutting his head gently!! He must have thought that he was seeing things! Brendan advised us to head over for round 2.30 so we could have some time with him as they were going to keep him again overnight. We finished with the re-home around 12 and headed over to the airport cafe so we were near the vets and could have some lunch before we went to see him at 2.30. I could feel I was getting anxious as I was nervous as to how he would be. I was trying to hold it in and not show Lel but I didn't manage too well and ended up mopping up my tears a little before we went in. I heard them walking him steadily down to the room where they had put the pad down for him to lay on. As we walked in, he was standing on the pad and was shaking. He was having what Brendan called a big case of 'the jitters' and turning his front feet in as though he didn't know what to do with himself. He had a drip line in and I think couldn't work out how to lay down. Brendan took hold of him very gently and lay him on his side. He was still rather tired and a bit out of it. Charlotte, one of the nurses brought a bowl of water in for him and Brendan asked what his favourite food is. Harry drank the water, I topped it up so he had about one and a half bowls of water whilst we were with him. Brendan was laughing at him and saying that the nurses have offered him water every half our and he has refused it so it's as though he's been showing them up! They brought some cubes in for him to try which he turned his nose up at, (not surprised, he's fussy at the best of time!) Charlotte asked if there was anything else he might eat, we said he might go for a venison tin, which again, he turned his nose up at for us. He clearly was still not feeling well. We sat with him til round 3.45 or so in the consulting room where the window was open. They said we could stay as long as we wanted and at the point of us saying we were leaving, they said they would leave him there asleep in the sun as he was happy and chilled out and they didn't need the room. Bless him. Brendan suggested that we try and get some pants for Harry to keep his dressings in place so we headed to Tesco as we got back to Skipton and bought a variety of pants including women's sanitary pants which are good and stretchy around the waist and hopefully will hold the dressings in place!

On Sunday 23rd, as I woke up, there was a message on my phone from Charlotte from the previous night saying that he had eaten half a tin on food before he went to bed. This simple thing made Lel and I feel so much more happier. Around 8.30 she sent a video of him walking around the garden doing a wee with no problems. This made us both feel so much better about collecting him at 11am. On getting over there we waited a couple of minutes whilst they brought him through to the nurses room. As we went through he was standing on a mat with a blanket covering it, his compression bandage was off and he wagged as we got in. We went through all his medication, they put some of the sanitary pants on him and cut a tail hole for him. We sat with him for a while before Brendan came through to talk us through everything. After going through all of this, we took him out to the car where Brendan picked him up and put him in the back for us. I sat in with him whilst Lel went back in and paid then we headed home. On the way back I realised that I hadn't booked his follow up to have his drains out. By this stage, the vets was closed so I set an alarm to remind me to phone the following day!

On getting him home we took his pants off and let him out for a wee. He did a big wee, we put his pants back on and he lay down and rest for the rest of the day. We took him for a short walk round the block at bed time, he did a wee and a poo so we figured he would have a quiet night. After a couple of noises that indicated he may be in a little pain, I gave him a painkiller as we had been told we could.

He had a quiet night as did Jade, although she had the runs so this morning we were cleaning poop up. He has a slightly swollen leg but other than that all seems good today and we have another appointment for Thursday at 11am.

I've just phoned the Drs and apparently my bloods are fine so I'm heading down now to collect them, hopefully fine means that my WBC and neutrophils are where they should be. I'll update when I get back...

So, my WBC was at 4.2 and neutrophils at 3.2 so well within guidelines and hopefully good for treatment on Wednesday.

14th April - 20th April

The 14th of April, being Good Friday was the start of the Easter break together. Since working here I have never had the 4 days off over Easter as I always would go for the cash and additional holiday day as opposed to having the time and being with Lel. Apart from the fact that they won't pay me for working a bank holiday as duty as I'm not fully up to speed for a full shift, I am now more looking to having the time with Lel as this is what really matters, not money nor extra holidays as she only has 15 days left this year with having taken my chemo dates off. We didn't do anything, just chilled out and had a lovely take out curry that night.

On the 15th, we went to see Brendan again about the lump on Harry's bum that first appeared at the end of February when we were in London and Bristol. This was the 3rd time he had been about it. We had already agreed to meet mum and dad there and go for a brew afterwards at the airport or something along those lines. As Brendan felt the lump and moved it around, we both noticed his face fall. He spent a fair while feeling it before sitting on the table opposite us and telling us that it is a Mastocytoma that reacts to histamine hence why it flares up and goes down as fast as it does and that he wanted to take it out as soon as possible given how big it was getting. He explained that the risks with these such tumours are that parts break off and invade other organs of the body therefore he wanted to get it out as soon as possible in the hope that it was still localised. He explained that chemotherapy may be needed however the chemo that targets this is very directive and literally does not affect any other organs or cause any other side effects or symptoms. I asked Brendan if he would use this on his own dog and he said he would so I felt reassured by this. In the meantime, we were given histamine spray, piriton and corpet to help his immune system and hope that we wouldn't have a flare up again before surgery. 

Before leaving, we booked to be back for it removing on the 24th of April. As Brendan was telling us all this, I could see Lel struggling again. We got them both outside, put them in the car and I held Lel as she sobbed. I felt so sorry for her as she has had so much stuff to deal with since last August and she doesn't need someone else that she loves to be dealing with cancer. She told me to go and tell mum and dad so I walked over and told them, as I did I started to cry as I really didn't want him to have to go through surgery and everything, poor pup. He really is my baby and the thought of him going through that really got to me as I explained what Brendan had said to mum. I told her we still needed to go for a walk and could they lead us up to the Tarn so we could walk and talk things through. As we got out of the car at the Tarn dad gave me a massive hug and I just said 'why?' I know there is no why but my poor little pup, my poor Bobo. So, we walked round the Tarn and talked and after this headed up to the airport cafe for a brew as we had set off very early and not eaten breakfast or had anything. After a chat, toast and a brew we headed off back home. We had intended to clean that afternoon but strangely enough, our hearts weren't in it so just did a bit of shopping then relaxed with the dogs. On the Saturday we cleaned, I can't remember what we did on the Sunday but the Monday we headed out to try and distract ourselves a little.

Back at work on the Tuesday after having a blood test at 8.20 and hoping that on this occasion the results don't get lost. I was covering duty for the shift so it was nice going in and knowing what the plan would be, the same on the Wednesday too therefore I had booked to go to oxygen that evening at 7pm as there was no way I would make it during the day. Lel was looking forwards to taking me there so that she could see what goes on and where I go. On Wednesday night after work I was shattered and having got home we ate dinner, watched TV for a bit then went to bed.

The following morning, Thursday, as I got up I looked at my calendar on my phone and realised that I had missed the oxygen session and felt awful. It set me up the wrong way for the day and I was really annoyed with forgetting about it. Work was ok, it felt to take forever though but I had sorted out being off on the Friday to get Harry to the vets which I was very glad about. That evening David, our mortgage advisor came round to discuss our options on mortgage renewal, really shows that life goes on regardless of everything else that is happening!!

25th March - 13th April

On the 27th of March I was back in work for the day but still feeling a little delicate. I spent the day doing my APR to justify why, even though I have been off, I am still worth my pay grade and recognition of the work that I have done both before going off and since returning. I was mainly left alone apart from people checking that I was ok which was nice and allowed me to get the work done.

On the 28th I was back at the doctors for another sick note, meeting my new GP who felt a bit waffy, especially when I asked for a vitamin D test on my bloods and she said 'is that the one you get from sunshine?' This left me feeling less than reassured. She agreed to another return to work note for a month of 5hours a day for 4 days a week as I had only managed 2 weeks in out of the last month due to being ill and having chemo leave. She also agreed for me to have another blood test before my next chemo so I knew where my bloods were up to and would know that I was healthy enough for it. I had oxygen straight after this so headed straight over.

On Friday the 31st we both had our first dental appointment in over 2 years which fortunately went well, apart from a trip to the hygienist being required, all else was fine. We headed home for the weekend, this being the first time we had been back since Christmas as I had been nervous of travelling since having started Chemo. On the way back we went out for lunch, delayed from dad's birthday 2 weeks previously. We had a nice weekend at home with a lovely lunch at the Spread Eagle at Sawley before heading back over to Salford. Lel, having got her motorway 'legs' found the drive easy and it made it so so much more straightforwards getting home and back.

We had a quiet week, work and home as usual with nothing much doing in between.  On the 3rd, I ended up covering duty pretty much single handedly for the whole of my shift which was ok but a little stressful by the time the late team came in. It was meant to be 2 TMs on with me however they both disappeared off the shop floor leaving me to cover advice, CC advice and reviewing. Whilst by the end of shift I was shattered, it was actually really good for me as it showed me that I still have the capacity to do my job properly and to the same standard that I did before this all started.

The following week, commencing the 10th, I had a couple of appointments. On the 11th I had a Skype appointment with Liz although my Skype knowledge bring limited, I phoned instead and had a half hour chat with her. Again, she said how well I was doing and how she feels I am coping with work and my health in a way that is conducive to my health and well-being.

On the 12th both Lel and I headed over to Christies to see Dr T for our chat. As we got there they were going to send me for bloods however I told them that I was just there to see her for an update, not for Chemo so asked that they would check with her that I didn't need them that day. They confirmed this and we sat and waited for her to be ready for me. Around 20 minutes late we were called though. Soon after she came into the consult room and we asked what 'some response to treatment' meant. She told us that whilst there had been a small amount of shrinkage, they hadn't measured this but what they were happier with was that the signal characteristics of the tumour had improved. Again, I wasn't totally sure what she meant but she seemed pleased by it and I figured it meant possibly that the remaining tumour is appearing less aggressive with the contrast dye. 

On the 13th I had my APR with my boss who agreed that I am doing well and whilst, didn't award me a 4 - the top mark of 2% pay rise, did award me a 3 giving me a 1.5% pay award and also said that she thinks I am one of the strongest and most positive people she has ever me met (including her sister who had cancer and died some years ago) so that was an amazing compliment. She also acknowledged how hard I worked before I went off and since returning and how my dedication to being back is something to behold. She mentioned that HR are still pushing for me to be back, however she is totally supportive in me taking my time to get better and get back in fully.

18th March - 24th March

On the 18th, after having such low white blood counts we decided that I should take the following week off work and use up my remaining 2 annual leave days and take 3 days as sick leave. Having decided this, I felt a lot more reassured and went about booking appointments at the doctors to have my bloods re-taken.  We also emailed Dr T's assistant to ask for more information  regarding the results that I was given as the phrase 'there has been some response to treatment' didn't mean a huge amount to either of us and we both wanted to hear it from her that there had been some positive results. We had hoped that she would send us a quick email with an update on but received a response saying she was on holiday until the following week when they would get back to us.

The 19th of March, being dad's birthday I had hoped to meet them for lunch however was still feeling rather rough so after speaking with him, made the decision to not go and us do lunch on another occasion. He was concerned that I may end up ill with my bloods still being so low and being around people.

I managed to get in with the nurse on the 20th of March at 8am so walked down there with Lel as she went to work. I was quickly in and out, I am getting so used to having my bloods taken now and fortunately my veins are quite happy for this still! They told me the results would be in the following day.

On the 21st we received and email from Dr T's secretary offering us an appointment to see her to discuss the results on the 12th of April which felt to be an absolute age away but still would be a chance to talk it through. Having given blood on the Monday and been told they would be in on the Tuesday I decided to wait until Wednesday the 22nd to go and get them and decided to walk down to collect them mid afternoon. Its only 15 minutes walk and it was quite nice to get out of the house for a bit, even though I still felt rather weak and waffy from the previous week.

On getting to the doctors I was told that they had lost my results at the lab however they would take another blood sample whilst I was there and send that one off too to make sure that we had at least one up to date test. Mid afternoon I headed over to see Sue D. for my appointment, I felt fine and we talked through how I and getting on both physically and emotionally. She told me how well I am doing which is always nice to hear and makes me feel like I am dealing with the current situation well.

In the evening we had booked to go and see Sophie Sabbage at Maggie's which I was really excited about however I was very nervous also about how I may be around people. However, having spoken with Iona as well as Lel, I came to the decision that I would enjoy going out as I had been looking forwards to it, as Iona said, I could sit at the back and leave if I started to feel ill at all.

I phoned the doctors the following day and was told that my results were back in so headed down there again. At my request they had printed them off and were behind the counter for me. Strangely, the print off had both the results from the 20th and the 22nd on there!! So, on the 17th when I went to Salford Royal for the quick blood check my WBC had been 1.8 - should be between 4.0 & 11.0, my neutrophils had been 1.0 - should be between 1.8 & 7.5. On the 20th my WBC was 1.2 so it had dropped, and my neutrophils were down to 0.7! On the 22nd my WBC was up to 2.3 and my neutrophils were up to 1.1 so still both low but improving. I'm so glad that we had made the decision for me to take the rest of the week off work as clearly my immune system was very low and being around people at this time would not have been a good idea. We continued to take it steady, and had a quiet weekend.