August 23rd - August 30th

On the 23rd, Lel and I arrived early for our appointment and sat in an old part of the hospital waiting. I rang the phone number as advised on the letter and there was no answer. After a few minutes, a man poked his head round the door and asked if we were there to see Mr Leach and that he would be ready very soon for me. On entering the small office, we were directed to 2 chairs, also in the room was a student doctor (always a student doctor present) and a brain tumour specialist nurse, introduced to us as Alison. I remember thinking that I didn’t want a brain tumour nurse and feeling a strong resentment towards her initially - I didn’t want a brain tumour so I didn’t want a brain tumour nurse. We were told that it was big, therefore likely to be of a lower grade, as well as being in the best place as it had the lowest risks, as well as having calcium in it therefore likely to be slow growing. It had also not shown a massive contrast on the MRI scan where contrast had been used therefore was believed to be of a lower grade. I was informed that I would be needing surgery to remove it and Mr Leach my consultant neurosurgeon went through the consent form with me. I don’t recall much of what was said apart from that it needed to be done due to the size of it. I remember him saying something about the possibility of epilepsy as a result of the surgery, also paralysis or possibly death however it was made clear that without it, there was a high risk of epilepsy or stroke.  We were told that the surgery would last between 3-4 hours and we had to be back at the hospital on the 31st of August at 7am for my surgery to go ahead, with the hope of getting me out by the weekend if I was fit enough. Before leaving the hospital, Alison took us both downstairs to pre-op where my bloods were taken, and assessments done to make sure that I would be fit for surgery.

In the mean time I had also spoken with Em and got a homeopath on board who could help me in supporting my health and working to reduce the tumour size, and assist my health both before and after the surgery. A plant based whole food diet was recommended, as well as various supplements which would boost my immune system and my brain function and healing.

I continued at work doing 4 hours a day, proving to myself that I was the same as before I had been diagnosed and that there was nothing wrong with me and the my brain could still function. It was also lovely to see people popping down for 5-10 minute chats, although when one of my colleagues decided to stare at my head as though looking for the tumour, I was a bit pissed off!! I didn’t know whether she expected to see the tumour waving back at her or what but I was thoroughly annoyed by this behaviour. I worked right up until the Tuesday at 4pm when I had done my 4 hours for the day, and I was starting to get nervous for the Wednesday so went home. I remember not eating an awful lot that evening, my neighbour came round at 6 as I was eating some toast to cut my hair as I had decided I wanted it short so it would stand less chance of getting into the cut and there would be less to shave off. I thought that we would not be able to sleep however, between watching Anne of Green Gables in order to get to sleep and some hugs from Lel, the 5 am alarm came all too soon.