On Saturday - Christmas Eve - I had previously made plans for Emma to come for breakfast, then come for a walk at Clifton Park with us as this was Lel’s last advent calendar door. We had a lovely big breakfast then took the dogs to out. We had never been there before however, on recommendation, thought we would give it a try. It was brilliant. Most of the dog owners put their dogs on leads, only 2 didn't but compared to normal, this was fabulous and Jade was much happier. Breakfast and walk over, we got home, Lel went to Pet’s at home to get dog food, I went over to Emma’s as she hadn’t wrapped her Christmas pressies. We then headed over to Jayne’s to drop off her Christmas pressies. On the way back, I messaged DJ who then headed over for a couple of hours. It had turned into a lovely day which was surprising, given how the week had been earlier. We had a gentle night, fortunately there had been some good Christmas TV on so finished the bolognese and caught up on TV.
On Christmas day, I was up early, let the dogs out then took a brew up for Lel round 7ish. We opened our pressies to each other then headed downstairs to do those. I could quite easily ignore the bigger picture and we were determined to just have a normal Christmas, although we both knew that this may be difficult at times. We packed and headed over there, Lel driving amazingly well. She proves every day that she is brilliant and I am so so lucky to have her. We had lunch, went to see grandma, then had dinner. Isla had been with her dad all day therefore we were ‘doing Christmas’ on the 26th. We watched at bit of TV and around 9:30 headed up to bed.
On boxing day, having not slept brilliantly (Toby dog was up 4 times overnight), I let Lel have a lie in, only waking her with a cup of tea at 8.30. Em and Isla came down for around 10 and we started on a mountain of pressies soon after. Em kept saying how we have to cancel / reduce Christmas next year, and whilst I agree with her, I didn’t feel that this was the time to have the discussion. I know how much it means to mum and after the year that she has had I was happy to let her enjoy the day. It’s been hard for all of us, and just because they haven’t openly said how hard it has been, doesn’t mean that it has been at all easy. I was a bit annoyed that this had been brought up during the day however, lunch and the rest of the afternoon all went as usual, including Isla being over tired at the end of the night. That’s just Christmas!
On the morning of the 27th (Tuesday), Richard came over for a bit and we headed back to Salford after we had seen him. It was a quiet Christmas but that was what I had hoped for. We got back home round lunchtime and spent the next hour unpacking! This is always the case after Christmas, and as much as I agree with Em that we need to make Christmas smaller, I love mum, her generosity and kindness and wanting to make others happy.
On the Wednesday I was back at work, Lel had said that she was going to look after me, make juices, dinners, clean the house and generally behave like a house elf for her days off. I took the washing out of the washer and that upset her as she was determined to do everything for me for the week whilst I was at work. She asked me a question, I was thinking of the answer and knew I was taking a minute and she said to me ‘hello? did you hear me?’ I got really upset as I had heard exactly what she said but since radiotherapy I find I sometimes have to think more for answers sometime, it was the first time at home that I had noticed this and I found it really really upsetting, especially with her response to me, although I know it wasn’t meant in any way to hurt me at all. I can’t remember what the conversation was about even now. When I got to work I continued with what I had been on with the previous week, it was useful to have something to focus on and to make my brain work, although I found it very tiring, more so than I would have possibly imagined prior to the surgery / radiotherapy. I found that I couldn’t think of certain words and that sentences often came out in the wrong order when I was struggling to think of what I was trying to say. This was frustrating and the first time that I had really noticed it in work so far. Noticing twice on the same day was irritating and I hoped that it was just a bad day as opposed to anything of more of an indicator of what is to come! Lel collected me from work and when we got in, we started to make dinner together, this was her idea as she wanted to cook for me all week and I love it when she does.
Thursday, she took me to work again where I finished the sickness absence forms I had been doing for the team, this felt ironic to me, bearing in mind the sickness that I have just had however I finished this, Denise was happy with it so sent me home round half 1 which was lovely. Again, we cooked together when I got in, life felt almost normal and very nice too! I know we were just keeping going over Christmas and not talking about it but for now, if this was what we had to do, then we would do it. We both knew we would talk, but not just yet.
Friday I was at work again with Lel taking me in and collecting me. I did my return to work form at work. I have taken the option of getting phased return notes from my GP as I don’t trust work to support me and stick to their word in keeping the return slow. Denise suggested that I have a consultation with occupational health in order to have my shift / weekend requirement reduced as if this isn’t done then they can’t keep me off these shifts. This was irritating as there are practitioners on other teams who have had cancer and during their recovery haven’t done full shifts for 18 months or so, where as Denise seems to feel that I have to be back up to full strength far quicker than that. Fortunately I am covered by the disabilities act and as much as I don't want to have to use the legislation, if I need to, I will.
Saturday, we popped to the Trafford Centre to get a few bits to eat, had brunch at Giraffe which was a real treat then took the tree down which was good fun! With the help of Christmas TV and M&S food we had another good night in. Sunday we went to Clifton Park again with the dogs, along with Emma, Chris and Vicky. Again, it was a lovely walk and we just continued as ‘normal’. Alison had told us early on that we needed to find a new ‘normal’ and I felt that we were doing that, not always easy but life and living MUST continue.
We both had Monday off together and went to the cinema to finally see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. I had made soup the previous day so we took this and a sandwich each to eat whilst watching it! It was so much fun! Almost like a picnic, I loved it. The film was good too and we had a really lovely time there. For some reason I had thought it would be a good idea to go to the Trafford centre afterwards to do the returns from mum’s Christmas pressies, forgetting that it was Bank Holiday and it would be rammed. After attempting to park for an hour and driving round in circles, me becoming increasingly frustrated, we headed home to chill out with the dogs. As much as I try to remain calm when stuff is going on now as I know it really doesn't matter, I find it so annoying that I can’t drive or do anything useful at all now. I feel that the driving ban has had a real impact on both of us and it is driving me a little mad.
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