On the Tuesday as I came out of oxygen treatment I had an email from Dr Liz ’s secretary in Bristol (we had been due to go late February) offering us as appointment that Friday (13th of Jan). I checked with Lel and Mum and Dad and we agree that we could make it down there for it. We were aware that the weather was looking a bit dodgy for the Thursday night / Friday morning so there was some discussion regarding going down early Friday morning or late Thursday night. We decided that a Travelodge would be worth whilst so that we didn’t get stuck anywhere on the way down and this was booked by mum and dad - fortunately they accept dogs so we were all having a trip away!
The Wednesday evening I had a call I from Dr McCall at the LDN clinic to run through a few details to make sure that I would be ok for a prescription, we had a bit of a laugh on the phone, i had a giggle when about an hour after he had called he sent me an email saying that he was still at work and waiting for 4 burly men in white coats to come and take him away! As expected, he fully agreed for me to have an LDN prescription and sent this over to the pharmacy for this to be made up.
Work itself was fine, I was getting back into it, working through so WFM / rota stuff and concentrating when I was in there. I was finding it very tiring and at the end of the 3 day week I was still shattered.
On Thursday evening, mum and dad came over, we had a very quick dinner then loaded the car up and set off at around 7 to try to avoid the rush hour traffic a bit. We headed down to Bristol, it was a gorgeous clear night with the most amazing stars that I looked out at for most of the journey. It was a very clear run, we had one stop off at the M50 junction services. One quick wee then back on the road, getting to Bristol at around 10.30.
The car park of the Travelodge was like an ice rink - it was freezing and the thought of snow round Birmingham at 6am seemed a real possibility. We headed down to our room, Harry was dancing down the corridor, Jade was less impressed but still ok. Harry thought this was the best thing in the world ever and when then dog beds were put down in the room they went straight down onto them. They were amazing that evening. Lel and I sat and talked for an age, around 11.45 I was starting to get a headache and told Lel that I had to go to sleep, I was exhausted and really hoping for a quiet night. At 5am Harry got up, shoved his name in Lel’s face and decided that he needed a wee. So, in PJ’s and trainers, we took both dogs out onto the grass at the front of the hotel. Harry wiggles his way and danced down the corridor, Jade mooched along until she got to the laminate when you would have thought there were crocodiles there with her reticence to cross it! It was really frosty and cold still. They both did huge wees, bless them and I was glad that they had woken us up, even if it was blooming early. We both tried to go back to sleep but failed, so made a brew, had a shower and around 8 met mum and dad to head out of the hotel. We had figured out during the drive down that since we didn't have to check out until 12, the appointment being at 9.30, we would have heaps of time to head back to the Travelodge after to collect them before we headed home. We packed up and took our bag to the car along with the ‘dancing’ Harry and ‘scared of crocodiles’ Jade and left. We popped to Morrisons for some breakfast as it was only a mile away, I started to get really stressed as I was worried it wouldn’t arrive in time for us to get across Bristol for the appointment. Having left there, traffic wasn’t bad but was slow at times and I could feel that I was getting wound up. I knew that we would be ok but we arrived at 9.27 for the 9.30 appointment! Too close for comfort for me!!
We were directed to the waiting room upstairs via a ‘grid door’ lift. I hate that type of lift and avoid them as much as possible, when we arrived at floor 2 and got out, I was so grateful for the end of the lift ride. The waiting room was a bit odd, 7 doors off a landing type space, one of which the noise of a dentist could be heard through. When sitting and feeling nervous, the last thing you want to hear is someone having their teeth drilled / polished!! Lel was a little jittery having drunk too much coffee however, at around 9.40, Liz came through and called us in.
Her room was huge with 2 wing back chairs opposite her desk, it was very comfortable as a consulting room and put me at ease. At the start of the consultation she made it clear that whilst she had studied oncology, she hadn’t practised as such for around 15 years and now was a homeopath who supported people with their treatments as well as consulting as a homeopath. We had a consultation where she dug deeper into 'my stuff' than anyone has done for a while and towards the end of the consultation said something that struck with both Lel and I, she said ‘Don’t think of Chemotherapy as a poison, try to think of it and think of all the love and passion that the people who went into creating it put into it’. Before we left, we arranged another appointment for the 28th of Feb. As we walked down to the car we were both feeling more confused but also feeling lighter. It was very odd but not an unpleasant feeling. She had made me open my mind a bit about chemotherapy. I have no memory of the car journey home, other than when we stopped at the services for a break. It was lovely with a fab farm shop which we had a really good look round after eating.
The weekend was a bit of blur, we talked a lot about what we were going to do, Lel reiterated that it was my decision as she has always said and that she will support me whatever I chose to do. By late Sunday I had decided to speak with Sue about my change of mind and sent her a message asking her if I could call her on Tuesday. I told Lel that I was thinking of going ahead with PCV. She was scared, I’m not over the moon about it but Liz changed my thought process and way of thinking about it making it an option as opposed to me being told that I had to do it, and being made to feel as though I was a child who had been sat on the naughty step for not agreeing to what Dr T said and hadn’t been given an option, just threatened.
I arranged to speak with Sue D on Tuesday to talk through how I was feeling and my options. After a good discussion where she also changed how I felt about Dr. T, she suggested to me that I change what to expect from Dr T, not to look for any empathy or compassion but to just see her as providing a service and by doing that, the appointments would be less threatening to me and less stressful. She also said that she could support me fully with homeopathic remedies and that all the supplements I was on, I would be ok to stay on. This reassured me and really gave me the okay to go ahead with it.
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