July to now...

I have just been made aware that some people have wondered where I was as I haven't posted since last July, and were wondering whether I was ok or not.

I have been back at work full time since then and am working 5 days a week, 8 hours a day - either doing 9-5 or 12-8 and every 6th weekend so have been struggling to find the time to write, I have also been in a different place to where I was when this all started and haven't felt the need to write.

I finished chemotherapy in September thank goodness, it wasn't fun at all but it's over now. I've had 2 MRI scans recently, both of these have shown a small amount of tumour that is visible but no longer measurable which is brilliant given that there was about 2 cubic cm left in there that was wrapped around a vein.

My oncologist said very early on that the radiotherapy and chemotherapy would not get rid of the tumour, simply delay any regrowth therefore I believe that it must be something to do with everything else that I have been doing - between the juicing, diet change, supplements, CBD oil, exercise and keeping mentally active, something has clearly worked. I also have been trying to avoid stress however that's far easier said than done in real life!

We have been on holiday to Cyprus for a lovely week away where we both relaxed, enjoyed the sunshine and re-charged our batteries in the sunshine and are now getting ready for Christmas.

For everyone who has read my blog and followed me through this difficult time, thank you all for your positive thoughts and kind wishes.

I wish you all good health and happiness.

19th June - 8th July

This was the start of my first 5 day week. I had agreed with my boss that I would continue to build my hours up steadily and this week I would start to do 5 days a week, 6 hours a day. I also changed my shift pattern slightly so that when my team are on day shifts I do 10-4, when they are on late shifts I will do 12-6. With my team being on lates I would be doing 12-6 this week however Harry was still at the vet on Monday and Friday so I chose to do 10-4 these 2 days.

Monday went without a hitch, the car was due for MOT so Lel dropped it on the way to work and collected it on the way home, fully passed so good for selling!! Work was normal and at the vets they were very happy with Harry's nose which was good.

Tuesday was my first 12-6 and by 5 I was exhausted and ready for home. I kept going till about 5.30 when I packed down as my brain had for the first time, turned off properly and when people were asking me things, I wasn't even hearing words any more, just sound. Lel collected me at 6 and I went home and just sat. I was wiped out. It's funny what the extra 2 hours later at work does for me, I'm clearly so much better in the mornings and this is something I need to be aware of when I extend my hours, which way works best for me.. I definitely won't be able to work after 8 for a long time!! Sandra mentioned to me that it took her 3 years post chemo to feel normal again so figure that if I need my shifts changing then it can't be a problem and occupational health should be able to sort this for me.

Wednesday I felt a bit better and more able to work until 6, I'd had a nap before I went into work so could work through and was better able to concentrate on what I needed to do. I was fine again on Thursday and Friday worked a 10-4 as we had to go to the vets again for Harry. 

We had a quiet weekend in, the first one for a month given Otley show, 2 trips to get the camper van and then Swansea and we both needed the break.  We ordered a bench for the garden and a tree but other than that, I have no idea what we got up to!

Monday was a week of 10-4's, still with trips to the vets for Harry's bum, on Wednesday I went over to see Sue as I felt I hadn't had a session for some long time and I was a bit worried about my ongoing weight loss and my peripheral neuropathy. She is so good to build me up and remind me that I'm doing things right. She always reminds me of my 'good pot' that I put things in, even the most basic things can go in there, things that make me smile and laugh so when I have a slightly less good day then I don't feel too worn out. 

On Thursday we had a new system go live at work, this was a complete change with computer and phone systems changing and had been planned for and training had been going on for this since before I went off last year. It was a huge change to how we work and we had all been prepped to expect things to go wrong!! As it was, things went as smoothly as could be expected. 

Friday I was meant to be on on-line work however it always happens that you end up doing duty when the team managers are doing it as they always wander off on the phone, usually it wouldn't be a problem however when learning a new system this was a bit trickier and made me a bit frustrated. I was convinced the piece of work I had done would be sent back as it was submitted in a rush but seemed to be all ok. We were back over at the vets for our last of 2 checks per week, seeing them only once the following week for our final laser session

The bench had arrived during the week and I had tried to put it together and managed to get 2 huge blisters, Lel had take pity and bought a new ratchet screwdriver to make it quicker. Between us, me reading the instructions for the first time ever and them being wrong, we put it together the wrong way round. 

Saturday I had offered to go to the Manchester Museum with Oliver as Jayne was having her hair cut. It ended up with all of us going which was fine. We had a fantastic lunch at the cafe next to it then Oliver went to the loo and saw the dinosaur skeleton in the entrance hall. At that point he didn't want to go in as he was scared by it. I told him that Lel and I were going in, and soon after Jayne brought him through into the shop where the wonderful lady on the til told him that there were frogs and got him all interested in these. We headed up towards the vivarium then managed a look at everything else on the way back, as well as looping round to the space area and the T-rex skeleton. No wonder he was always so grumpy, his arms are too short to clean his teeth!! Well I found myself funny! Em was staying that night as she was at college and brought a curry from Sanskruti. We were both a bit full having had a piece of cake at 3.30 before leaving the museum cafe. The GF, VG chocolate cake was too much of a temptation for me to refuse!! And it was amazing, tasted just like dairy milk... I can never resist a Sanskruti curry though...

On Sunday morning, having re-done the bench, we went and bought some paint for it. I wanted bright, Lel wanted muted however, on one occasion having said to her that she usually gets her own way on decorating things, and this has clearly sunk in, she's very aware of it so repeated this back to me. We spent most of the day painting it giving it a good 2 coats of bright blue paint and allowing it time to dry. In the evening we put it outside, the grass was too wet to cut with the strimmer and our new lawnmower so I got the garden shears out and cut it. It was so much fun and I laughed at myself the whole time! Think Lel did too, mum talks about cutting a lawn with scissors, so glad I had shears. I was quite proud of the end result. We also planted the tree - a weeping Cherry Tree that had also arrived during the week.

I was back on 12-6's this week therefore was happy to have a nap in the morning on Monday before I went in to work. When I got in, the duty manager was very glad to see me, always nice when that happens and it was good to do a full shift and be useful. The systems were still causing problems and everything taking twice as long as before however I was getting my head round them and trying to correct any errors or send it back if it was significant, however I know how fraught people currently are and having work sent back doesn't help this, people are trying as hard as they can, and some find systems really tricky. I'm lucky, I don't, I'm happy with them and don't get stressed by it. Tuesday and Wednesday went relatively easily, I could feel I was getting tired so spoke to my boss and asked for Friday off. She's very aware that I have to look after myself and knows how hard I've worked this week and doesn't want me to get ill. By Thursday evening I knew I'd done the right thing as I was so tired and frustrated I nearly cried in front of a practitioner, time for a day off! We headed to the vets where Harry's chemo was prescribed to us, and the vet agreed we could start it as soon as we want. Lel and I want his bum to be totally healed therefore we will wait till next week when the wound has hopefully gone.. He has no idea there is anything wrong with him, he's so happy and full of life which is how we hope he'll stay.

So that takes me to yesterday when I cleaned, cut the grass, did the washing and had a lovely day relaxing and now to today, Lel is in Chester at a 100year celebration of her school with all her old school friends. I'm just doing this and washing today whilst having a disco via phone with Iona who is cleaning. I love days like this, they re-charge my batteries and put things in my good pot. 

12th June - 18th June

This was my last week of 4 days a week at work so I was making the most of it. My nausea had pretty much gone and on Monday night we were back over in Leeds to see Brendan for a decision regarding Harry's nose and whether we remove the lump. As he says, had we not had his recent history then we would have been happy to leave it but given his mast best tumour then the best thing we can do is get it taken off, we booked in for early Thursday morning to drop him off before work.

Tuesday and Wednesday went without incident at work and on Thursday morning at 6.30 mum and dad turned up to take us to the vets. I had realised that we had never left Jade alone all day and was worried how she would react so asked that they take her back to their house after we dropped Harry off and Lel and I would collect her on the way home having collected Harry. We dropped Harry in at 8.15 with the nurses as I had signed all the forms the last time we were there.

At 3 Hazel phoned to say that he had done really well and was out of surgery being cleaned up.  He had had a slight 'turn' but being Harry they had left a nurse with him constantly to ensure that he was ok and Catherine had sat with him all day after his op. We arrived at the vets at about 6.15 and mum and dad had brought Jade over so we didn't need to drive to Skipton as well, so very kind of them. We put Jade in the car and went in to get Harry. Catherine called us in for a chat telling us how he was, how his surgery had gone and described his funny turn - he'd gone all 'panting and stressed' and they'd worried due to his previous fainting episode. She went back through and took out his canulars and brought him through to us. The cut on his nose was tiny, Brendan had yet again done a fabulous job..  We were booked in for Monday to come back for his bum checking so this fit a post surgery nurse check up in perfectly. On getting him home he was whining quite a lot and it seemed he was still 'out of it' from the surgery so he had a quiet night with no evening walk!

In true style we had booked to head to see Iona on the following day (we had first been due to go the week he had his second surgery post tumour but he had been far too poorly at that point still) and decided that he would be well enough for us to go. Emma, bless her, worked from home for the day and came over to sit with them. He was quite whingy in the morning and I wasn't sure if it was still anaesthetic wearing off or whether he was still in pain. It could be a cumulation of 3 anaesthetics in 8 weeks although this one only lasted 20 minutes.

At around 9.30 mum and dad turned up, they'd left Polly at the end of the road as they didn't want to try and get her round the corners of the block. We piled in and started what should have been a 5 hour journey including breaks to get down to Swansea. Sadly traffic though otherwise and at 7.15 we pulled up outside Iona's house. It was amazing to finally meet someone that I'd been talking to for the past 6 months. We headed out with her dogs which are totally gorgeous and had a lovely walk in the woods, down to a pond and round the grounds of an old mansion. Once back to hers we had a chippy dinner which was the best way to end the day before Simon driving us back to the van site. Lel and I slept really well which surprised us both.

We were up and breakfasted by 8.30 and sat outside enjoying a drink. This really showed us why the camper is going to be brilliant. I want to call her Freda after Lel's mum but Lel isn't sure.. The American versions of the Bongo are called Freda's so it seems to fit to me but I'll respect her on this one.

At 9.30, Iona text to say they were on their way so we headed over the entrance to wait. She turned up bearing gifts of a plant and some seeds. We all piled into Poly and set off towards Camarthen to Llansteffan to wander in the castle and go on the beach estuary for a walk. We had a lovely walk then had chips on the sea front. They were so darned good, Lel and Iona had scampi and chips, I treated myself to onion rings and chips, dad had a burger and chips, mum had chips and peas. It was a lovely day where we just chilled out and enjoyed each other's company. We headed from there over to The Mumbles which Lel remembered from Jayne being at uni in Swansea. We had a walk to the lifeboat launch, left dad in the van to sleep whilst we went up the hill opposite to look over the bay. Whilst up there, the lifeboat towed a boat in. We must have missed the launch by minutes which was sad but it was good to watch from the hillside.

From here we headed back into Swansea and went for dinner at Zinco lounge where we all had a really good meal. Good atmosphere, good food, good friends. The perfect end to a very good day. I had sadly managed to sunburn my head though which felt a bit idiotic.. We had all gotten a bit pink but I felt a fool by burning my head. We dropped Iona off at her home and arranged to see her next morning before we left.

On the Sunday morning, we were all very aware that we had a long journey to get home however I was hoping we could call in again, given that we were so much closer than usual and it would be a while before we would get to catch up again in person. We had a drink and a doggy hug, as well as a hug from her as we left and set off back after a good chat, leaving round 11.30. We made it back up to Salford at 6.30, having had 2 stops so did much better. Poor mum and dad still had to drive an hour and a half to get home from here but we all had had a fabulous weekend. I hope Iona did as much as we did, it was brilliant and I can't wait till we catch up again.

5th June - 11th June

It was only a short week at work the following one with Wednesday being chemo. Monday and Tuesday went as normal and on Wednesday we headed over around 7.30 to Christies. I got my blood taken then waited and waited. My appointment was at 10.30 and by 11.00 we were still waiting. At 11.15 I spoke to one of the nurses that we see whenever we go and asked him how long we were likely to be, he told us we were next and shortly afterwards we were taken through, I was weighed (lost another 5kgs) and told that Dr Tran was away therefore we would see her registrar (again), I do like it when this happens as they are always lovely!

A lovely doctor came through and asked me how I was, saying that they were aware that I had had a reaction to the Procarbazine and that a decision had been made for me to come off it from this point on. I showed her the photos that we had taken and she said it was one of the worst cases that she had ever seen as a reaction and that I 'don't do things by halves!' I asked her what the difference would make regarding long term outcome without the Procarbazine and she was very honest saying that they couldn't tell me that but that they could say, if I continued on it, there was a high chance I wouldn't be breathing that evening. I agreed with her to go for the more pressing and definite of the concerns and to come off the Procarbazine.

I asked her to explain my last scan if she could as I didn't understand what we had been told - and she was really friendly so I felt we could. Her explanation was that the tumour looked a bit 'less bad' than the time before and like a burn when immediately done looks bright and vivid, a few days later it looks less bad. I still didn't fully understand but as she says, it's positive so that's the main thing.

We headed over to Maggie's and had a brew and sat around for a while, at 1.30 or so the ward phoned to say that they were ready for me and to go over. The nurse hooked me up with my canular to a flush and went to get my chemo. She had gone in a different vein this time and it went in so much easier. She soon came back soon after saying that someone had cancelled it all and it would take an hour to come through again therefore I had to have a bag of flush through. My vein was moving really quickly and after 10 mins the small flush was nearly empty. I called her back and she put a large bag on, saying that there would be plenty in it. By the time she came back with my chemo drip it was nearly empty! Clearly my veins were playing well, as opposed to the first time when it took double the time to get it through. They've obviously worked out what it's all about these days! We seemed to have missed lunch so I asked Lel if she would go to the canteen and get something. She came back with soup and a sandwich which was very well received and makes the time go faster. I always find it hard seeing people linked up to chemo eating chocolate biscuits and sweets, but the fact that these are recommended by the nurses also does my head in. I kind of get that they want you to keep your weight on however processed sugar?? Really??

On getting home we had a small dinner and I took my second chemo, then the nausea started. I was determined not to be sick this time so took all 3 sorts of my antiemetics as well as my homeopathic versions too. I was not going to be ill! It's only one tablet so how dare it make me feel like this? It is not going to win! I went to bed with a bowl just in case but slept through with no issues.

The following day the nausea continued, all day and by the time Lel came home to get the dogs to the vets I wasn't sure how I was going to make it in the car for the trip. I decided to put my big girl pants on, pull them up and get a grip of myself! I took a couple more antiemetics and put a bottle of water in the car and we headed over to Leeds. As Harry was in having his bum lasered and re-dressed Brendan popped out and invited us in for a chat, saying that we would hold the appointment for Thursday but make a decision on Monday as to whether we would do it or not.

On Friday the 9th I had an MRI at 2.30 so Lel had chosen to take the day off so we could have a nice gentle one together. I was quite relaxed about it but have a feeling that when it comes round the next chemo and results day then I may not be quite so much so. I've not been as good with my diet or exercise and I have been more stressed because of Harry so if all of those things do assist with healing then I've not had the best couple of months...

On Saturday morning, early we headed over to mum and dads as we were off to collect the camper and Elizabeth wanted us there as early as possible. We landed round 11 and did all the paperwork etc. We had sorted insurance the previous week and transferred the Volvo into dad's name so he could sell it for us, as well as him take it onto his multi-car insurance policy for little extra cost. After collecting the van we went into Thirsk, to the cafe and the lady came over and asked us if we'd bought her. It was so lovely of her to remember and whilst in there I bought a picture I'd seen the previous week for Iona as it felt right.  She had been part of my decision making to buy the camper and has been so supportive for the last 6 months that I wanted to get her something from that cafe.

On the way home we looked for a garage to top up the LPG and drove to Keighley to top up there. This took a while as it's been a long time since I last did it on the old work cars and remember it being very tricky at the time. I think we're going to get some gloves as the gas kicks back but at 49.9p per litre, a whole tank of 50L being less than £25 was lovely!

Having got her home, dad and I had a good look over her, topped the battery water up and other such things that we have always done on cars together. With getting a new car, I wondered if Isla would like us to collect her from her dad's house so suggested this, as well as getting chips from the veggie chippy in Ilkley! We scooped her on her way home with chips and her first comment was 'it smells funny' - we think that was the chips!! But she was very impressed with it. We were a little concerned as we couldn't get it to change into 4th gear and it seemed stuck in 3rd... Dad says there's a technique but we have still to learn it. Saturday night we slept in Polly - mum and dad's van, as Isla was staying there too, it was lovely and quiet and other than the bed being a bit lumpy we had a lovely sleep, woken by the birds as opposed to Harry's barking or whining for a change!! We all went out for lunch to the Castle, and I continued on my antiemetics. This time's chemo has really knocked me sick. I couldn't eat at all until Friday but Saturday and Sunday were a lot more like normal.

After lunch we set off back home to Salford in the car, leaving the camper - who we still have to name - on the drive for a valet, wheel arches de-rusting and lining, new radio fitting, new fog light fitting and general 'dad' work doing on her.

20th May - 4th June

So, it's been a long time since my last update and I've realised that I'm letting this lapse a little therefore it's going to be shorter from now (8th July) order for me to keep up to date easier.

The 20th of May was Otley show and was a fabulous day. The weather held off until just after lunch giving us time to wander round the livestock, see the shires, watch a bird of prey demonstration and 2 lads on motocross bikes doing the most ridiculous tricks. Basically, we had the sort of day that we would have done pre cancer and it was lovely.

Work the following week continued with no major incidents, I had finally got hold of the clinic regarding my colposcopy and went on the 24th to Salford Royal where we saw a lovely consultant who put me so at ease that the whole procedure went painlessly.

I had been thinking for a few days about getting a camper van and maybe selling the car. I had mentioned this to dad and he suggested a Mazda Bongo as they are small enough to park as a normal car and can be used on a daily basis without being too large to manoeuvre. I had therefore started looking as I am very aware that it would be lovely to clear off on a weekend after work with the dogs and a camper would make this so much easier..

Whilst searching for Bongos I had found one in Thirsk and rather cheekily asked mum and dad if they wouldn't mind looking in the first instance as if it was no good it was a long way for us to drive - on the 28th they headed over to have a look, and arranged for us to be going the following weekend saying that it was nice and clean with good price and good mileage.

Due to this, I decided that it was finally time to give Lel the garden that she has wanted for such a long time.  Being bank holiday weekend (27th - 28th May) then I figured it was a good time to do it as any. With not working on Friday 26th I thought I would make a start and dig out the gravel edging and some tree roots. It was about 24 degrees by 10am and having done about an hour and only managed a foot or so I was very grateful when Janice (our neighbour across the road) sent one of her sons to help with this. Both her twin boys are 35ish, gym bunnies and very tanned. Bless him, within an hour he had one whole side dug out and was on with the second one, then digging out tree roots, too and hurling them into the skip at high speed - all with no shirt on!!

On the Saturday, Lel was off over to spend the day with Jayne and Oliver in the afternoon so in the morning we headed over to Homebase to buy turf. We had had 2 tonnes of top soil delivered on Friday evening, as well as the skip that was delivered on the Thursday night however we now needed things to re-build the garden with. We already had some plants from pots from the previous year however Lel wanted grass and lavender in there, as well as a nice border between the grass and the floral borders so we did this then headed home. After Lel had gone I spent a bit of time out there clearing a bit further. Emma and Vicky had been away for the night but on their return they sledgehammered the flags up and threw them all into the skip. This meant that Lel and I could continue on Sunday morning and at 7am we were out digging the soil from under the flags, as well as going further round the edges and taking out more of the gravel edging. This was a real task as it was all chipped plate type gravel that had bound with the soil to form a concrete type edge.

By late afternoon we had it all cleared, edged the area where we wanted to put the lawn, rebuilt it with fresh top soil, topped up the border areas and planted them, then cut and laid the turf. By 5.30 on Sunday we had a front garden!! I couldn't believe how well we had done and how good it looked. I had had another weekend of doing jobs and wasn't too exhausted, and I had enjoyed myself. All small victories as well as showing people that I'm still me and can still do what I always could. We had a nice quiet bank holiday Monday in with the dogs and just relaxed.

Work was again uneventful for the week with the double trip to the vets for Harry's bum to be layered and re-dressed. Everyone is very impressed with him however he has a lump on his nose that may need to be taken off - had it not been for his tumour then we would have been more likely to leave it however given that he had his dressing off, nose in and ate the dressing both Lel and I are a little concerned that the tumour may have migrated.. We have therefore booked him in for surgery but will see Brendan before for a catch up to see what his thoughts are.

At the weekend we headed home again and went to look at a couple of campers. On the Saturday we saw a high top in Preston that would have felt like a coffin to sleep in the roof and was over budget by £2k but it gave us chance to drive one before going over to Thirsk. Had we not driven it with the handbrake on we might have done a little better!!!

On Sunday we headed over to Thirsk to try the camper, we got there 1130ish. Mum had explained that I am no longer allowed to drive but given the fact that this was a private sale and the lady had a lot of land, Elizabeth was happy for me to drive it. I turned her round and drove down the lane. Apparently at some speed!!! It was so lovely to be behind a wheel again. As with most Bongo's it's an automatic, 2l with LPG conversion which is really good. It looked quite clean with a good exterior, only a small amount of rust in one wheel arch and on the wiper blades. Both of which are able to be fixed. Lel had a drive and we both agreed that it was really nice. We headed to Thirsk to a cafe for lunch and the lovely lady in there gave me a photo frame for free, I didn't tell her my story but think she saw my scar. We did tell her that we had just tried a camper out and that we would be back the following week to collect it.. I was a bit nervous but remember feeling like this when we bought Kara and that was fabulous for a long time.

8th May - 19th May

We had arranged when Harry was discharged to have him checked up and further laser treatment on Monday the 8th after work. Lel had agreed to work an 8-4 so that we could head straight over after work. I had left the dogs with Harry just wearing his usual attire, the curtains closed and the fan on as it was due to be warm during the day. Work was fine, I'm feeling good these days and finding the 6 hours ok at present. (I'm on 4 days, 6 hours a day until the 18th of June - to review then) Lel came to collect me at 4 and as I got in the car she said that Harry had eaten his dressings. I didn't fully understand what she meant but we had had to improvise with the dressings the previous day as we didn't have a large dressing so had stuck 2 smaller ones together as well as sticking one on above to cover the sore bit (Brendan had taken a biopsy from this area to check that it was just from the tape, not another tumour site) and Harry had taken a shine to the honey, bitten through his t-shirt and eaten 2 of the dressings leaving one attached only. Lel managed to get the wound re-covered fully and taped on but there was no sign of the dressings!!! The nurses took Harry through and cleaned him up and re-did his laser again. They were quite happy with what they saw and we were booked in for the Friday to see Brendan for full cystology result.

On Tuesday morning as we went downstairs to let the dogs out, I was taking off Harry's 'romper suit' and Lel walked into the room and said 'what's that?' It appeared that Harry had brought back up the dressings thank god. Having seen the size of them I'm so glad he did as had he passed them the other way I think it would have blocked him up or caused major problems. He did later prove on the walk that it was him who had eaten them..... As I dressed him that day I put a thick pair of tracksuit bottoms on that dad had given me along with the 'lampshade'. I was hopeful that this might discourage him from trying to get to his honey and let me work without being quite so worried. I headed off to oxygen as usual for an hour then on to work. I finished work and got home round half 4 and was very relieved that he had coped for the day although I would imagine he had been rather warm.. Julie was over in the evening as usual to help with the dressings which was very helpful as the better he feels, the less he stands still!!

Wednesday and Thursday passed without incident. I was feeling heaps better having been off my chemo for a week. All side effects had cleared and I was totally back to normal now. On the Thursday I was trying to get hold of my doctors to try and find put what was going on with my colposcopy as I still hadn't had an appointment through and I had been told it was on the 15th.. The doctors were brilliant and phoned the hospital before getting back to me to tell me that an appointment had been made and I would receive it by the 17th of May. On Thursday when I got home Harry had managed to get his head round the lampshade and chewed the edge of his romper and a small hole in his tracksuit bottoms. He clearly was desperate to get to the honey.. I improvised and cut an old 'lampshade collar' up, attaching it to edge of the collar we were leaving him in, giving it an extra 3 inches length to stop his nose poking out of it and being able to shove into his pants. He hates me but it works and I feel much more confident about leaving him now.

On the 12th we were due back at the vets at 6.30. Brendan went through the results with us and they took Harry off for his dressings and laser whilst he talked through what had come back. These were as positive as possible. The sore bit was simply because he had had strapping put over it, the tumour was the least likely to metastasise elsewhere although he said he couldn't give us guarantees (which, as we said to him, more than most we fully understand). It also has the gene that would mean it is most likely to respond to the chemo that he suggested therefore he had contacted the manufacturers to ask when to start it. As he says, you want to start as soon as possible but there is a large wound that needs to be healed first. Brendan was very honest and said that by giving Harry the chemo, it may almost be off label as there is a chance that all the tumour has been removed however, since it is impossible to tell when it gets to cell level then we would prefer him to have it for 6 months as hopefully that will be all he needs. I had previously asked Brendan if he would give it to his dog and he said he would therefore I am comfortable that it shouldn't cause Harry too many problems and we can support him with homeopathy to help him through the next bit. As we took his pants down for his evening walk we found a flea on his bum. I had treated Jade the previous week and hoped Harry wouldn't get got but...

On the morning of the 13th, we asked Vicky if she would come over at 10 so we could pop out for a bit. We headed out shopping and for some food and normality. It was lovely again and we are ever so grateful for the support of our lovely friends and neighbours. We got back round 2.30 and were so happy to have been into the real world.

On the 14th we had very little plans other than to de-flea the house and dogs and to rest. We started round 11.30 and had finished by 2. We chilled out for the rest of the day and had a nice relax as it has felt relentless for a bit, early mornings and twice a week to Leeds for the vets. They are too good to change and find someone nearer but it's a bloody long way to go. Lel however is amazing with the driving now thank god. We would have struggled had she not sorted her motorway confidence out.

We were back at the vets at 6.40 on Monday night for more laser and a re-dress. Everyone was really impressed with how he has got on. Catherine and a nurse I didn't know were doing the re-dress, as I went to the loo I saw Billie by the desk on the phone who, having seen me went straight up to see how he was getting on, also Laura (one of the vets) went in to see him and have a hug as she didn't have a client in! It's so lovely that he is so loved and cared for there. We booked the next 3 appointments through so we know the times and who we're with which feels more organised and helps me.

Tuesday the 16th was oxygen and duty at work when I got in. We were nice and busy but it felt ok still and I managed happily. I wasn't stressed about how he was going to be when I got home with the extra large 'lampshade' on as I know he can't get in to it.

Wednesday 17th - no letter regarding colposcopy, no dressings that had been ordered on Saturday and were due.

Thursday 18th - phoned the doctors who phoned the hospital and sorted my appointment for a colposcopy on the 24th of May at 10am. I'm so glad that it's finally sorted out as I hate having other things hanging over my head especially as I have read there can be a link between HPV and tumours elsewhere. I really had hoped that my cervix would have behaved this time! Still no dressings, have to use melolin and got Vicky to come over and help as he is so full of it at present.

Friday 19th, this is where we are up to date now. As usual, I've had the day off and done the washing, cleaning and have sorted Harry's bag for the vets for tonight. His dressings arrived today which was good as we had to improvise last night which I wasn't happy with. We've decided to head home for the weekend and to go to Otley Show tomorrow for a nice relax. We've both realised that we have to do things together that aren't dog or cancer related at all as it has become very hard over the past month and too stressful for both of us. Harry's bag is packed for the weekend too with all his dressings in and a change of clothes!!

My next chemo is the 7th of June with my MRI on the 9th of June so got a line up of appointments. In the mean time, we're at the vets twice a week next week and we'll see next Friday whether they think we can drop down to once a week or whether we have to stay at twice for laser.. He is healing really well but still has a long way to go. I'm much more relaxed now about him as I know he's going to be fine and I can start to focus on me again. I've not been on the re-bounder since this started as it's hard to walk them both in the morning when he's so giddy, I've hardly used the sauna which is really important for my vitamin D levels so again, I need to start using this and prioritising me again. Next week looks like an easy one, but we've all heard that before. I'll update on Friday the 26th!!

3rd May - 7th May

On the morning of the 3rd of May my rash had gone down so I continued on my piriton, took my chemo and headed into work for the shift. It was the only day I would be working in the week due to being at the vets on both Thursday and Friday with Harry so I covered duty for the day. It was feeling quite nice to be out of the house and doing something 'normal' for the day as well as working and doing what I know I can do. My brain is back up to speed and I find duty cover very similar to how I used to pre-diagnosis, surgery and treatment. Julie came back up again to help with Harry's dressings and agreed that now it had been cleaned up it was looking better. We explained that he was planning re-constructive surgery which she agreed should help. By this stage Harry was wearing his dressings, tena pants, a long sleeved t-shirt with the arms cut short and the pet medical suit.

After dinner we took the dogs out as usual and just before bed Lel told me that my lips looked funny. I was aware that I had had an itch by the outer corner of both eyes however I wasn't too worried by this. As we went to bed, I looked at my lips and they were starting look very puffy and swollen. Having had anaphylactic reactions in the past I knew that I could still breath fine so wasn't too concerned at this time. I continued to take the piriton as advised and we went to bed.

On Thursday the 4th of May as we got up, I can only describe my lips as looking like Lesley Ash's lips post surgery!! I also had a massive rash on my torso from above my lips all the way round my back with the only area not covered being directly over my abs. It didn't hurt but it was very odd looking and clearly not healthy. I was very glad that I wasn't going to work as I looked shocking. I phoned the chemo line who advised me not to take my dose until they had spoken with a registrar and called me back. At around 9 the nurse called back and told me not to take the dose, to take them with me to my next appointment and to take some more piriton if needed. She said that if it was an emergency to go to A&E but other than that, speak to the doctors but that they would discuss further use of procarbazine at my next chemo session..

Dad came over again round 9.30 and we took Harry and Jade over to the vets. Brendan was encouraged by how Harry's bum was healing and after a laser treatment and re-dress he said he would be happy to operate the following day.

On the 5th of May, dad was back over early doors to take us over to the vets. We took both Jade and Harry again as mum was staying at home with Toby. Due to his surgery we didn't give them breakfast and left Harry there at 9.30. Brendan reckoned that he would be out of surgery by round 2 or so and to call after that. At 3 I still hadn't heard so phoned and spoke to one of the nurses who said that it had gone well and Harry was in recovery coming round well. I asked whether we would be ok to come over as soon as Lel finished work which they said was fine. I asked whether Vicky would mind coming to sit with Jade so that we could have the whole back seat for Harry given that he would be likely to be a bit dopey still. She landed round half 4 so we headed over there to collect him.

Brendan saw us for the discharge and said he was happy with how the surgery had gone. He showed Lel pictures of what they had done and she was really impressed. He said that they were still waiting on the full histology results but it appeared that they had got all the tumour out and they were just waiting now to see if he had the right gene to allow the chemo to work.

As we got Harry home, we took his pants off and took him out for a walk to get him to do a wee as Hazel had been concerned that he hadn't done one since surgery. We took him for a gentle walk around the block, he did a poo and a wee. As we got him back into the house and started to dress him, his eyes glazed over and his legs gave way and he collapsed on us both. Having been told that he fainted after doing a week after his first surgery I wasn't took bothered as it seems to be his party trick! He's a softie!! We dressed him and carried him into the lounge and lay him on his bed. He was out for the count for the rest of the evening.

We had arranged for Emma and Vicky to come over on the Saturday to give us a day out. We both needed a cancer free day to relax as with Harry now having had his tumour and my latest flare up we both felt we wanted some peace and quiet away from it all. At 8.30 Emma came over and we headed up to Windermere for the day. We headed over to the far side of the lake and for a wander on the shore line to relax before heading back over to Bowness for some lunch and to buy a pressie for Emma and Vicky.

We got back around 5 as we had arranged for Julie to come up to help us with the dressings change. She was so impressed with the job that Brendan had done which really reassured me as I still couldn't look at it.

On Sunday the 7th, Emma popped over for a couple of hours so we could do a bit of shopping and not have to worry about Harry as he was starting to look like he wanted to get into his dressings. As well as the dressings he was having high grade manuka honey on it which he appeared to have a taste for... The consensus is that he needs his name changing to Winnie (the Pooh)!!

30th April - 2nd May

On the way home Lel told me that Ruth had been very negative, had cut off a lot of dead skin and that she did not give any possible positives about how his wound could possibly heal.

I have been told from the beginning that I need to avoid as much stress as possible however it would seem that Harry doesn't seem to want to comply with this. For the first time I was having bad problems on a daily basis with nausea and was taking antiemetics 3 times a day before each meal.

As we got back neither of us were overly hungry so we had a quiet night.

On the morning of the Sunday the 30th we were up early as usual so as to stop Harry getting too excited. Being a bank holiday weekend we just decided to stay at home given that the rest of the world were bound to be going out and about for the weekend. We kept both dogs quiet for the weekend, much to Jade's disgust. Julie was at work so I asked Helen whether she would be able to pop over and give us a hand with Harry for the afternoon re-dress. She came over and wasn't shocked with what she saw but sadly, when he had had all the tape stuck on the previous day, they had taped over a really nice clean dry bit of stitching that had healed. This then looked a bit wet and sore when we got the tape off which was frustrating. He was very good but it clearly hurt him as they had used very sticky tape.

Lel and Helen redressed it whilst I posted cheese triangles into the front end and kept him still. Helen didn't seem too phased by it all and said she had seen far worse wounds heal which was very reassuring.

Monday the 1st we stayed in again apart from a brief foray to the shops for the weekly food. Vicky came over to sit with him as leaving him in Tena pants only would have been a bit risky. In the evenings we were putting him in his pants as well as a t-shirt in between another pair of pants to try and stop him getting to the wound. He was also wearing a 'lampshade' cone to try and put him off having a chew of it overnight. Helen came over again to help with the re-dress and was quite happy with how it was looking even though it was clearly a very large wound.

On Tuesday the 2nd I took annual leave to get Harry back to the vets, dad came over and took me to oxygen, leaving mum at home with the dogs. We headed back home afterwards and collected Harry alone to take him to the vets again. We got through there in plenty of time and popped in for the bathroom, I asked that Charlotte call us when they were ready for us so we waited in the car. At around 1.35 we were called and headed in. Brendan was waiting for us in reception and took us through to the nurses room where Harry was taken off into the back for a re-dress and laser treatment.

As Brendan came back through to talk to us, I explained how Lel had felt after speaking with Ruth and asked if we could book an appointment as the weekend so she could see him and talk through her anxieties with him. He wasn't working the weekend but offered to call that evening and speak with her. He explained that he was hoping he would be able to operate on Friday if the wound had granulated enough and bring some of the skin over to reduce the size of the wound. Brendan seemed very positive that he could work with the wound and that we would be fully able to have his bum healed in time. He stated that it wasn't going to happen fast but that he has healed larger wounds in the past and he didn't see any reason why this wouldn't work also. I asked if they had the pet medical suit that they had ordered initially as it might make him feel more secure with his dressings and might make me feel easier about leaving him...

We headed home having booked a further appointment on Friday in case he would be healed enough for surgery. We still had the appointment on Thursday that we had booked so we had chance for Brendan to check how it was and hopefully make the ok for further reparative surgery.

Having got home I had a phone call from my boss telling me that I had to go onto a change of contract and go to flexible working as apparently the longest any phased return can be is 6 weeks and I have had significantly longer than this. She explained it badly saying that it would be that I would be paid when I was in which almost indicated that I would be on a zero hours contract which is clearly not what I signed up for..

That evening whilst sat at home I felt that I had a midge bite coming up on my hand. I was surprised as I didn't think that I had been bitten by anything. I also felt that my legs were a bit itchy, I looked at my legs and they were covered in a rash which felt and looked like midge bites all over my hips, knees, legs and all the way down them. I decided to phone the Chemo line as whilst I know it is a possible side effect, all the literature said to phone for advice if this happened. I was on hold for ages so we decided to take the dogs out for a walk and whilst out they answered the phone. They advised me to take piriton - fortunately I had loads of this having been provided with a bottle when Harry's tumour flared up and to call back in the morning if it hadn't gone down or if it had got any worse. The nurse said that she would speak to a doctor and get back to me. As we got back my phone rang, Lel accidentally cancelled it and it was Brendan.. We rang the surgery back but obviously with the time of night, it was closed. We were putting the dogs to bed when her phone rang, Brendan had called mum and dad to get her number and called back in order to speak to her. I love my vet so much!!!

He spent about 15 minutes on the phone to her explaining what his plans were for Harry's reconstruction and telling her that he can mend this and, unlike how Ruth was implying, Harry will heal and is not going to be put to sleep over this.  She felt so much more relaxed after the phone call which was good for me but I know that I had been stressed and far more tense than is good for me. On going to bed my legs, hips and arms were covered with a rash that looked like midge bites and itched like mad. I took a piriton as advised and my regular evening medication and waited for the nurse to call back. Around 10pm she phoned, little did I know that she had phoned mum and dads first, not quite sure why as I had told her to phone back on my mobile - poor mum must have wondered what on earth was going on that evening. First Brendan then the chemo nurse!!

The nurse advised again to use piriton and if it was no better or worse in the morning not to take my next dose.

27th April - 29th April

On Thursday the 27th we were due back at the vets today so dad came to collect me and both dogs. We were due there round 11.00 and arrived early as normal. I popped in to use the loo and as I cam out Brendan had finished with his last client and spoke to me. As I got back to the car, Brendan and Hazel came out and asked if we wanted to go in early. We lifted him out of the car and walked him in. He was at this point wearing dressings and a pair of ladies 'Tena' type pants to keep all the dressings in, and his nose out of it! They suggested that we take a wander and get a coffee as it was going to be a fair while before he was ready as he was having laser treatment as well as a full re-dress. We popped next door and got a subway before walking over to Sainsbury's and getting a few bits. We headed back to the vets and I sat chatting to Billie (nurse) whilst dad went to sleep and Brendan and Hazel finished off with Harry. When they finished, Brendan called us back in and I asked about Harry's left which was still swollen. He said that he was happy that it would settle and was just swelling from the surgery. He put a lighter dressing on Harry's wound saying that we could now start to change it on alternate days as it was looking very good. We got home in decent time and I spent the rest of the day keeping an eye on him so that he didn't do anything too exciting!!

On the Friday it was quite nice as we didn't have to change his dressings, this gave us chance to relax a little more and just have a quiet day. Brendan had suggested that we massage Harry's leg to try and get the swelling to go down, however it seemed to be going down of it's own accord by this point.

On Saturday the 29th at around 2pm Julie came up to re-dress it. As she took the dressing off, her reaction of 'oh shit' was rather worrying. I couldn't look at it but both her and Lel had a look also. Lel took a photo and we emailed it straight to the vets. Julie suggested that we go straight over to the vets as it appeared that the stitches had split further and some of the skin graft had not taken and was dying.

We bundled both dogs into the car and headed off to the vets. The afternoon surgery didn't open until 3pm and as I was phoning it wasn't going through to reception. At half past 2 as we were well on the way I managed to get through to Hazel who was on reception. I told her that we were on our way over and may have sounded a bit panicky and told her that we had emailed the picture through. She opened it up and agreed that we were doing the right thing in going through but not to panic and they would have someone see us as soon as we got there.

We arrived at the vets soon after 3 and were put straight into one of the rooms, Hazel popped in to have a look at it and agreed that he needed the vet and she couldn't do anything until the vet came through. Ruth came in to have a look at him, I stayed in for a few minutes but was struggling with chemo nausea and told her this. She suggested that I leave the room so went to wait in reception for a while leaving Lel in there with one of the nurses. Charlotte opened the email and the picture of Harry's wound popped up there. I struggled not to throw up, it was a real mess. After around an hour Charlotte, one of the nurses popped in to see how they were getting on. By this stage he was fully dressed and his wound covered with lots of dressings and tape. They checked that we had enough meds for him for the week, Ruth decided that she wanted us to have another appointment with Brendan on the Tuesday (bank holiday weekend again) in addition to the appointment we had on the Thursday, we paid and left.

24th April - 26th April

With Harry only having been released from the vets on the Sunday and in such a bad way, they suggested that it would be a good idea if I could have the week off to be at home with him to make sure that he was ok. This meant that I was sat in constantly looking at him and making sure that he didn't get too excited. His leg remained swollen and I sent a couple of pictures over to the vets as I was a little concerned about it. On Monday night we had to change his dressing which I stayed well away from. Lel bless her got an eyeful of it but our lovely neighbour Emma came to help. I posted cheese in the front end which kept him quiet nicely.

On Tuesday I was still at home for the whole day, in the evening we were both at the hygienist which as always was a total delight. I was happy to pop out for half an hour and leave him however we asked our neighbours to pop over and sit for an hour which they were lovely and happy to do. As we put him out his dressing has come off and I panicked, I knew that we had 2 neighbours on the street who are either nurses or ambulance techs so shot out into the street as Julie, the ambulance tech was arriving home. As we changed his dressings with her help there was a large gap where he had split his stitches through wagging too much but we were hopeful that it was starting to heal a little.

Wednesday was Chemo day and Vicky came over to work from home (our house) for the day. We set off round 7.30 as usual and got to Christies just after 8 am. I took my ticket for the blood room and sat and waited.. and waited.. and waited.. The blood room is normally really quick however we waited best part of 45 minutes to get through then sat for a few minutes to see Dr T. My appointment was 9.30 and at 9.20 we were taken through to her room to wait for her. I was really surprised as she is usually late so it was nice to be seen on time for a change. She came in and asked how I was, how I had been coping and whether I had had any side effects from it. I told her about forgetting to take my antiemetics and what had happened and that the only main issue I had had was the peripheral neuropathy which seemed very minimal given what I was taking. My bloods still hadn't come through so she suggested that we head over to the Maggie's centre and they would call us when they were back. I left my phone number with one of the nurses and we headed over there. It was the 1st birthday of Maggie's so there were lots more people around than usual. We went into the garden room and sat to relax in peace and quiet for a bit before heading into the main part of Maggie's. We had only been sat for around half an hour when people moved to the window looking excited. I was thinking it would be someone for the birthday but then word went round that Christies was on fire. I would just like a nice quiet treatment day where everything runs on time and to plan.. Really don't think that is too much to ask is it??!! We looked out and saw a black wall of smoke coming up from the direction of the hospital. Around half 11 we headed out for a walk to see if there was anywhere that we could buy a sandwich, the shop only had chicken tikka type things which clearly was no use at all to either of us. With nothing there and the shocking smell and taste of smoke in the air we headed back to Maggie's for a while. Iona posted a link to Facebook from Manchester Evening News and in it it said that treatments were still going on as planned.

I phoned Oak Road Treatment Centre to see if my bloods were back through yet, they weren't sure but suggested that I head over and they would see what they could do. We went towards the hospital and were told we couldn't get to the treatment centre so we negotiated a route to get us in there. I again asked whether my bloods were through and one of the volunteers said she would try and find out. I decided we would head through to Ward 42 where I see Dr T to see if they were back. As we got into main reception I looked at my phone to see a missed call from a with-held number and swore as I knew it would be someone calling me about my bloods. We saw one of the nurses I had given my number to earlier and asked if my bloods were back, he confirmed that they had just come through and there had been a slight delay due to the fire but that they were all fine so we could head through for treatment.

We went upstairs from treatment and I asked for the heat pack to raise a good vein. This was provided and I sat with it on for a while. The nurse came back and tried a vein to the left of my usual one, it hit a valve. The pain from it was ridiculous and I had to ask for her to stop. The nurse went back in to the vein that we have used the previous twice and it wasn't happy any more but still took the canular. I was squeezing Lel's hand and was trying not to break her knuckles!! The nurse put the flush through and whilst we were sat there with the vincristine running through a member of staff came round offering soup and sandwiches. I said yes to both and had a lovely mug of tomato and red pepper soup and an egg mayo sandwich which we shared. The second flush went through as did my antiemetic and by 3pm we were done and all my meds handed over to me for the next 10 days. We went home and Vicky and Jade were sat together on the floor, Harry was curled up on a bed quietly and by the sounds of it, they had all had a lovely day together. Julie from 2 doors down who is an Emergency Medical Technician came up to help with the dressings again as I couldn't do it and it felt good to have someone medically trained being able to help us!

That evening I decided to split my chemo doses, to take the antiemetic then take the lombustine, to take another antiemetic then take my procarbazine then have a small dinner. I took another antiemetic then we headed to bed. All good and a good sleep with no issues unlike last time!! Seems I have this nailed. Amazing how you can learn from vomiting blood how not to do it again! As dad said, do it once, it's a mistake - do it twice, you're a fool!!

21st April - 24th April

On Friday the 21st, at 6.30 mum and dad came to collect us to get us to the vets for 8.40 check in. I knew we would be early however if we set off later then we would be too late and miss our slot with the vet. We got there round 8 so sat outside for a while and both of them went to sleep!! We headed in round 8.35, leaving Jade in the car and taking Harry in alone. As always with any surgery, Brendan talked me through what was going to be done, what the risks were and I reminded them to clean his teeth whilst he was under sedation. He said that they should be done round 2pm or so. At 2.30 having not heard anything I phoned to see how they were getting on. The nurse told me that Brendan was still 'working on the mass' but that his chest x-ray and blood work came back clear and that they were happy that it was just this one tumour.

At around half 4 Brendan called to say that he had finished and the nurses were cleaning Harry up in recovery but that the operation had been much bigger than expected. He suggested that we head over around 7.30 to collect him after they had finished for the day. I asked one of the vets if it had been a big job and she said it had and it was a bit of a mess, I ended up a bit upset and crying so they got me some tissues and offered me a cup of tea (funny how when someone is crying that's what we do!!!). Around 7.40, Brendan carried Harry though to the room.  He was still totally out of it and wearing a large pressure bandage around his back end over the dressings. With him being as he was, I said to Brendan that I would prefer him to stay in overnight and he totally agreed with me on this and said that he had been going to suggest it. We arranged to come over on the Saturday to see him and hopefully collect him but this was very much fluid depending on how he was. 

On Saturday the 22nd we went to collect a greyhound to re-home on behalf of the charity that we help out with, and took him to his new mum. As we were driving too and fro I phoned to see how he had been and spoke with Brendan who said that he had had a quiet night, had gone out for a wee in the morning and had ended up fainting due to the lactate build up in his muscles (either that or he looked at his bum!!). As he came round, one of the practice cats, Eric was headbutting his head gently!! He must have thought that he was seeing things! Brendan advised us to head over for round 2.30 so we could have some time with him as they were going to keep him again overnight. We finished with the re-home around 12 and headed over to the airport cafe so we were near the vets and could have some lunch before we went to see him at 2.30. I could feel I was getting anxious as I was nervous as to how he would be. I was trying to hold it in and not show Lel but I didn't manage too well and ended up mopping up my tears a little before we went in. I heard them walking him steadily down to the room where they had put the pad down for him to lay on. As we walked in, he was standing on the pad and was shaking. He was having what Brendan called a big case of 'the jitters' and turning his front feet in as though he didn't know what to do with himself. He had a drip line in and I think couldn't work out how to lay down. Brendan took hold of him very gently and lay him on his side. He was still rather tired and a bit out of it. Charlotte, one of the nurses brought a bowl of water in for him and Brendan asked what his favourite food is. Harry drank the water, I topped it up so he had about one and a half bowls of water whilst we were with him. Brendan was laughing at him and saying that the nurses have offered him water every half our and he has refused it so it's as though he's been showing them up! They brought some cubes in for him to try which he turned his nose up at, (not surprised, he's fussy at the best of time!) Charlotte asked if there was anything else he might eat, we said he might go for a venison tin, which again, he turned his nose up at for us. He clearly was still not feeling well. We sat with him til round 3.45 or so in the consulting room where the window was open. They said we could stay as long as we wanted and at the point of us saying we were leaving, they said they would leave him there asleep in the sun as he was happy and chilled out and they didn't need the room. Bless him. Brendan suggested that we try and get some pants for Harry to keep his dressings in place so we headed to Tesco as we got back to Skipton and bought a variety of pants including women's sanitary pants which are good and stretchy around the waist and hopefully will hold the dressings in place!

On Sunday 23rd, as I woke up, there was a message on my phone from Charlotte from the previous night saying that he had eaten half a tin on food before he went to bed. This simple thing made Lel and I feel so much more happier. Around 8.30 she sent a video of him walking around the garden doing a wee with no problems. This made us both feel so much better about collecting him at 11am. On getting over there we waited a couple of minutes whilst they brought him through to the nurses room. As we went through he was standing on a mat with a blanket covering it, his compression bandage was off and he wagged as we got in. We went through all his medication, they put some of the sanitary pants on him and cut a tail hole for him. We sat with him for a while before Brendan came through to talk us through everything. After going through all of this, we took him out to the car where Brendan picked him up and put him in the back for us. I sat in with him whilst Lel went back in and paid then we headed home. On the way back I realised that I hadn't booked his follow up to have his drains out. By this stage, the vets was closed so I set an alarm to remind me to phone the following day!

On getting him home we took his pants off and let him out for a wee. He did a big wee, we put his pants back on and he lay down and rest for the rest of the day. We took him for a short walk round the block at bed time, he did a wee and a poo so we figured he would have a quiet night. After a couple of noises that indicated he may be in a little pain, I gave him a painkiller as we had been told we could.

He had a quiet night as did Jade, although she had the runs so this morning we were cleaning poop up. He has a slightly swollen leg but other than that all seems good today and we have another appointment for Thursday at 11am.

I've just phoned the Drs and apparently my bloods are fine so I'm heading down now to collect them, hopefully fine means that my WBC and neutrophils are where they should be. I'll update when I get back...

So, my WBC was at 4.2 and neutrophils at 3.2 so well within guidelines and hopefully good for treatment on Wednesday.

14th April - 20th April

The 14th of April, being Good Friday was the start of the Easter break together. Since working here I have never had the 4 days off over Easter as I always would go for the cash and additional holiday day as opposed to having the time and being with Lel. Apart from the fact that they won't pay me for working a bank holiday as duty as I'm not fully up to speed for a full shift, I am now more looking to having the time with Lel as this is what really matters, not money nor extra holidays as she only has 15 days left this year with having taken my chemo dates off. We didn't do anything, just chilled out and had a lovely take out curry that night.

On the 15th, we went to see Brendan again about the lump on Harry's bum that first appeared at the end of February when we were in London and Bristol. This was the 3rd time he had been about it. We had already agreed to meet mum and dad there and go for a brew afterwards at the airport or something along those lines. As Brendan felt the lump and moved it around, we both noticed his face fall. He spent a fair while feeling it before sitting on the table opposite us and telling us that it is a Mastocytoma that reacts to histamine hence why it flares up and goes down as fast as it does and that he wanted to take it out as soon as possible given how big it was getting. He explained that the risks with these such tumours are that parts break off and invade other organs of the body therefore he wanted to get it out as soon as possible in the hope that it was still localised. He explained that chemotherapy may be needed however the chemo that targets this is very directive and literally does not affect any other organs or cause any other side effects or symptoms. I asked Brendan if he would use this on his own dog and he said he would so I felt reassured by this. In the meantime, we were given histamine spray, piriton and corpet to help his immune system and hope that we wouldn't have a flare up again before surgery. 

Before leaving, we booked to be back for it removing on the 24th of April. As Brendan was telling us all this, I could see Lel struggling again. We got them both outside, put them in the car and I held Lel as she sobbed. I felt so sorry for her as she has had so much stuff to deal with since last August and she doesn't need someone else that she loves to be dealing with cancer. She told me to go and tell mum and dad so I walked over and told them, as I did I started to cry as I really didn't want him to have to go through surgery and everything, poor pup. He really is my baby and the thought of him going through that really got to me as I explained what Brendan had said to mum. I told her we still needed to go for a walk and could they lead us up to the Tarn so we could walk and talk things through. As we got out of the car at the Tarn dad gave me a massive hug and I just said 'why?' I know there is no why but my poor little pup, my poor Bobo. So, we walked round the Tarn and talked and after this headed up to the airport cafe for a brew as we had set off very early and not eaten breakfast or had anything. After a chat, toast and a brew we headed off back home. We had intended to clean that afternoon but strangely enough, our hearts weren't in it so just did a bit of shopping then relaxed with the dogs. On the Saturday we cleaned, I can't remember what we did on the Sunday but the Monday we headed out to try and distract ourselves a little.

Back at work on the Tuesday after having a blood test at 8.20 and hoping that on this occasion the results don't get lost. I was covering duty for the shift so it was nice going in and knowing what the plan would be, the same on the Wednesday too therefore I had booked to go to oxygen that evening at 7pm as there was no way I would make it during the day. Lel was looking forwards to taking me there so that she could see what goes on and where I go. On Wednesday night after work I was shattered and having got home we ate dinner, watched TV for a bit then went to bed.

The following morning, Thursday, as I got up I looked at my calendar on my phone and realised that I had missed the oxygen session and felt awful. It set me up the wrong way for the day and I was really annoyed with forgetting about it. Work was ok, it felt to take forever though but I had sorted out being off on the Friday to get Harry to the vets which I was very glad about. That evening David, our mortgage advisor came round to discuss our options on mortgage renewal, really shows that life goes on regardless of everything else that is happening!!

25th March - 13th April

On the 27th of March I was back in work for the day but still feeling a little delicate. I spent the day doing my APR to justify why, even though I have been off, I am still worth my pay grade and recognition of the work that I have done both before going off and since returning. I was mainly left alone apart from people checking that I was ok which was nice and allowed me to get the work done.

On the 28th I was back at the doctors for another sick note, meeting my new GP who felt a bit waffy, especially when I asked for a vitamin D test on my bloods and she said 'is that the one you get from sunshine?' This left me feeling less than reassured. She agreed to another return to work note for a month of 5hours a day for 4 days a week as I had only managed 2 weeks in out of the last month due to being ill and having chemo leave. She also agreed for me to have another blood test before my next chemo so I knew where my bloods were up to and would know that I was healthy enough for it. I had oxygen straight after this so headed straight over.

On Friday the 31st we both had our first dental appointment in over 2 years which fortunately went well, apart from a trip to the hygienist being required, all else was fine. We headed home for the weekend, this being the first time we had been back since Christmas as I had been nervous of travelling since having started Chemo. On the way back we went out for lunch, delayed from dad's birthday 2 weeks previously. We had a nice weekend at home with a lovely lunch at the Spread Eagle at Sawley before heading back over to Salford. Lel, having got her motorway 'legs' found the drive easy and it made it so so much more straightforwards getting home and back.

We had a quiet week, work and home as usual with nothing much doing in between.  On the 3rd, I ended up covering duty pretty much single handedly for the whole of my shift which was ok but a little stressful by the time the late team came in. It was meant to be 2 TMs on with me however they both disappeared off the shop floor leaving me to cover advice, CC advice and reviewing. Whilst by the end of shift I was shattered, it was actually really good for me as it showed me that I still have the capacity to do my job properly and to the same standard that I did before this all started.

The following week, commencing the 10th, I had a couple of appointments. On the 11th I had a Skype appointment with Liz although my Skype knowledge bring limited, I phoned instead and had a half hour chat with her. Again, she said how well I was doing and how she feels I am coping with work and my health in a way that is conducive to my health and well-being.

On the 12th both Lel and I headed over to Christies to see Dr T for our chat. As we got there they were going to send me for bloods however I told them that I was just there to see her for an update, not for Chemo so asked that they would check with her that I didn't need them that day. They confirmed this and we sat and waited for her to be ready for me. Around 20 minutes late we were called though. Soon after she came into the consult room and we asked what 'some response to treatment' meant. She told us that whilst there had been a small amount of shrinkage, they hadn't measured this but what they were happier with was that the signal characteristics of the tumour had improved. Again, I wasn't totally sure what she meant but she seemed pleased by it and I figured it meant possibly that the remaining tumour is appearing less aggressive with the contrast dye. 

On the 13th I had my APR with my boss who agreed that I am doing well and whilst, didn't award me a 4 - the top mark of 2% pay rise, did award me a 3 giving me a 1.5% pay award and also said that she thinks I am one of the strongest and most positive people she has ever me met (including her sister who had cancer and died some years ago) so that was an amazing compliment. She also acknowledged how hard I worked before I went off and since returning and how my dedication to being back is something to behold. She mentioned that HR are still pushing for me to be back, however she is totally supportive in me taking my time to get better and get back in fully.

18th March - 24th March

On the 18th, after having such low white blood counts we decided that I should take the following week off work and use up my remaining 2 annual leave days and take 3 days as sick leave. Having decided this, I felt a lot more reassured and went about booking appointments at the doctors to have my bloods re-taken.  We also emailed Dr T's assistant to ask for more information  regarding the results that I was given as the phrase 'there has been some response to treatment' didn't mean a huge amount to either of us and we both wanted to hear it from her that there had been some positive results. We had hoped that she would send us a quick email with an update on but received a response saying she was on holiday until the following week when they would get back to us.

The 19th of March, being dad's birthday I had hoped to meet them for lunch however was still feeling rather rough so after speaking with him, made the decision to not go and us do lunch on another occasion. He was concerned that I may end up ill with my bloods still being so low and being around people.

I managed to get in with the nurse on the 20th of March at 8am so walked down there with Lel as she went to work. I was quickly in and out, I am getting so used to having my bloods taken now and fortunately my veins are quite happy for this still! They told me the results would be in the following day.

On the 21st we received and email from Dr T's secretary offering us an appointment to see her to discuss the results on the 12th of April which felt to be an absolute age away but still would be a chance to talk it through. Having given blood on the Monday and been told they would be in on the Tuesday I decided to wait until Wednesday the 22nd to go and get them and decided to walk down to collect them mid afternoon. Its only 15 minutes walk and it was quite nice to get out of the house for a bit, even though I still felt rather weak and waffy from the previous week.

On getting to the doctors I was told that they had lost my results at the lab however they would take another blood sample whilst I was there and send that one off too to make sure that we had at least one up to date test. Mid afternoon I headed over to see Sue D. for my appointment, I felt fine and we talked through how I and getting on both physically and emotionally. She told me how well I am doing which is always nice to hear and makes me feel like I am dealing with the current situation well.

In the evening we had booked to go and see Sophie Sabbage at Maggie's which I was really excited about however I was very nervous also about how I may be around people. However, having spoken with Iona as well as Lel, I came to the decision that I would enjoy going out as I had been looking forwards to it, as Iona said, I could sit at the back and leave if I started to feel ill at all.

I phoned the doctors the following day and was told that my results were back in so headed down there again. At my request they had printed them off and were behind the counter for me. Strangely, the print off had both the results from the 20th and the 22nd on there!! So, on the 17th when I went to Salford Royal for the quick blood check my WBC had been 1.8 - should be between 4.0 & 11.0, my neutrophils had been 1.0 - should be between 1.8 & 7.5. On the 20th my WBC was 1.2 so it had dropped, and my neutrophils were down to 0.7! On the 22nd my WBC was up to 2.3 and my neutrophils were up to 1.1 so still both low but improving. I'm so glad that we had made the decision for me to take the rest of the week off work as clearly my immune system was very low and being around people at this time would not have been a good idea. We continued to take it steady, and had a quiet weekend.

15th March - 17th March

On the 15th of March - this was my second chemotherapy session. We were due to see Dr T. at 9am so arrived for bloods at 8am as per the advice on the letter we received. We landed there and I had my bloods done by round 8:10 so waited for my appointment. At 9:15 we were called through to the room by a nurse where I was weighed again. Soon after a doctor came through - not Dr T. and asked how I had been since my last cycle.  I explained that I had had no side effects other than a little peripheral neuropathy which he seemed confused by where it was. 

He was not aware that I had had a scan so I asked for the results, he came back through saying 'the tumour has responded to the treatment'. I wasn't sure what he meant so asked 'is that good? Does that mean it's shrunk a bit?' He said yes. We were both really pleased by this, first bit of really good news that we have had. I asked the doctor whether I would be heading through to treatment straight after that but we were still waiting for my bloods to come back. 

We waited back in the waiting room for someone to call and let us know whether I was ok for it. We text lots of people to tell them that we had had some good news and the tumour had responded to the treatment - whilst we had no exact measurements, anything is better than nothing. Lel emailed Dr T.'s secretary whilst we waited to see if we could get some more definite details about how it had changed, turns out Dr T. was on holiday for the week, hence us seeing someone else. I was quite sad as I liked him and would have been happy to see him again. Around 25 minutes later, one of the nurses came and called us over, putting my records into a bag for us to take through to Oak Road centre. My bloods were apparently fine.

We headed down to Oak Road to the reception and handed my notes over. They suggested that we go to Maggie's for a while as 'an analyser was broken' so it might be a while. This made no sense to me as apparently my bloods had already been checked before we went over there but I didn't mind going to Maggie's. After 20 minutes or so, I received a phone call from one of the nurses who called us over there for my chemo.

We headed back to Oak Road and upstairs where I was seated and asked for a heat pad for my hand in order to raise a vein. Having had this on for around 10 minutes, the canular when in much easier than last time and much less painfully.  I warned the nurse that I had slow veins and she said she was actually having to slow it all down!! The treatment only took half an hour for the whole session this time, unlike the hour it took on the first occasion. Before leaving, I was given my other lombustine and procarbazine to take at home, as well as my antiemetics. 

On going home we headed to do some shopping and did some basics then headed home for the evening.  I took my lombustine and procarbazine before dinner, ate and had no nausea feeling or anything of the sort. At 8.45 or so I headed up to bed as it had been an early start for both of us. I got to sleep no problems at all. 

At 1am on the 16th I woke up feeling really hot and sweaty and very very sick. I headed to the bathroom and threw up once before going downstairs to get some anti-sickness tablets.  I got back up to the bathroom and as I did so I saw Lel had the bedroom light on. She came in to see how I was, and as I sat on the loo saying I was going to throw up, she started to say 'you're not going to throw up' at which point, I violently vomited into the sick bucket at the side of the toilet. There was blood in my vomit and I was scared by this so I asked Lel to go and get the Christies card from downstairs as I thought I needed to call them. I spoke with a lovely lady on the phone who told me, given the blood in the vomit that I needed to go to A&E and that she would call them in advance to warn them that I was coming. 

As Lel drove us down, I was sick another twice in the car and as we got to A&E I got Lel to walk me in, leaving the car outside. I booked in and the took me straight through to triage where I explained what had happened and that I thought that this was my own fault and I pretty much knew what had caused it however I was scared because there was blood in the vomit.  I suggested to Lel that she park and come through to the where they were going to take me in A&E. The triage nurse took me through to the HD area of A&E, getting me a red tag on my way through.

At around 2.15 someone came through to take my bloods but we were then left alone for around another 2 hours. At 4 or so a nurse came in and put a bag of plasma-lite on a slow drip through my arm after putting an antiemetic in through the canular. Until this point I had been sick every half hour or so as well as going to the loo a couple of times every hour. Around 5am, a doctor came through and said my neutrophils were low, down to 1.1, and they should be between 3.4 to 8. He suggested a chest x-ray and requested a urine sample saying that they would be likely to keep me in for a day or so and do another blood test the following day to see if the count had increased. Just before he came in, a nurse came in and put a high dose of antibiotics through the canular to try and prevent any infections. Once the antiemetic kicked in, I started to fell better. It felt like a switch had been flicked and I no longer felt sick at all, it was incredible. Until that point I had been retching or throwing up to the extent that I just wanted it to end.

The drip bag was going through really slowly, at around 6 or 7 another doctor came in, listened to my chest, discussed my sickness then told me that they were going to take me through to the ward soon, onto the haematology ward where there was the only side room available left - due to my chemo and low white cell count I needed to be in a single room so in a bit they would move me through.

Round 8am another doctor came through, the consultant from the haematology unit who said they would speed the plasma up, then put another bag through. He was happy for me to go home when the bag was through then come back the following day for another blood test. He seemed very practical and said if I felt ill, I should come back to hospital but to head home one the bag was finished with some extra antiemetics.

We left hospital around 10.15, getting home to the dogs that Emma had so kindly fed and let out for us in the morning at Lel's request. I went through and took my next dose of procarbazine with some antiemetics, took my temperature and went up to bed. Lel brought me my hot water bottle, cold water and I fell asleep soon after. I wanted her to go to work for the day but had no idea then she left as I was fast asleep, possibly round 11. I woke just before 2 but refused to move apart from the odd bathroom trip.

After being so ill and bringing up food from breakfast, lunch and dinner I knew I didn't want any food similar for some long time! I asked Lel to get me some GF white bread on her way home from work as I knew I would be able to eat toast but wasn't sure about much more, and definitely not lentil pie for some long time (nor would Lel sadly and it had been her favourite!).  Lel got home round 5.30 and seemed very awake still, lord knows how she was so with it but she was incredible as usual! She took the dogs out, fed them then went for chips for herself. She returned, I had toast, she had chips and we watched a bit of TV. At 8 she fell asleep on the sofa, I left her until half past when I woke her to take the dogs out. I took another antiemetic before heading up to bed.

We both slept really well, I left Lel asleep until the alarm went at 6.30. We got up and after an easy morning headed to hospital for my blood tests doing at 10ish. At 1 today I had a call from a doctor telling me that my neutrophils were lower, down to 1 and my white blood count at 1.8 so rather lower than they should be. He suggested I get another blood test next week at my GP so I will give them a call later in the day or early next week. I'm a little worried about being at work next week with them being quite so low however I will have a discussion with Lel tonight about it and see what we decide.

February 24th - March 14th

Having not posted for some time I feel it is time for a catch up..

On the 24th of Feb, Lel and I headed down to London for a weekend there, to see a friend and to go out for dinner for her birthday, before heading over to Bristol to see my homeopathic oncologist. London was good, busy but we had a good wander around and I managed not to be too tired for most of it. We went to the Moomin museum which was incredible, had a wander round Hyde Park in the sunshine, twice as well as visiting Liberty which I have wanted to do for a long long time. (Lel treated me there and bought me a lovely scarf too..) Dinner for my friend's 40th was also good however I found it hard staying awake so late and being sociable!! It was a good fun break away. Whilst not the usual birthday break that we had for Lel, it was still nice to be back doing 'normal life' things.

On the 26th of Feb we headed over to Bristol. Having stayed in a rather posh hotel in London, we decided to stay in the traveloge near the centre of Bristol in order to save a bit of money and be practical for the town and walking out and about. Whilst there, we visited the SS Great Britain as well as wandering round the old part of the city - St Nicholas Market which was lovely and did a bit of shopping. On the 28th we saw my homeopathic oncologist for a follow up check which all went well. 

I took the rest of the week off as I knew I would be tired following the busyness of the weekend away. I was very glad that I did as I really felt it after walking around and getting trains late at night, as well as waiting around in stations for long periods of time (I'm terrible at booking the cheap trains, as well as panicking that we would be late for them so I always book late ones).

On the week of the 6th of March I was back at work, working my first week of 4 days and doing 5 hours a day. I had also been told that I had to be back out onto the shop floor. Whilst I was away, a keyboard and mouse had been ordered for me. The keyboard was exactly what I had asked for, however the mouse didn't work so I spent a while trying to sort all of this out.

Being on the shop floor was useful I could see who needed help or support when on a call and could assist with reviewing work. I did this for the first week every day and caught up with various members of staff, as well as a few more specific supervisions that people asked me to do.

The following week, commencing the 13th of March I was only in work for 2 days. Due to training events happening the following week I would be moved to another desk, to try to keep me safer from infections. Whilst I had been told that I had to be with my team initially, the new desk is at the complete opposite side of the room however I can still see my team from there. It is a little frustrating how the ground rules shift whenever work see fit for this but when I ask for some leeway, then it is difficult to get.

For the first couple of days, as the previous week, I helped with reviewing, advising staff and doing some compulsory on-line training.

February 13th - February 23rd

On the 13th of February I had my first MRI post radiotherapy and was a bit nervous. I know that the tumour is shrinking and will one day be gone however do not know where it is up to at this point. I would love for there to be some significant shrinkage in order to surprise Dr T (who would then say that the radiotherapy had obviously had brilliant results) when I go for my next chemo session on the 15th of March. We arrived early (it is impossible to judge traffic going out to Christies on a morning) and booked in. We were taken through for my canular inserting which was done in the crook of my arm very painlessly and proficiently by a nurse. I asked if Lel could come through with me as I was freaking out a bit due to the pain memory from my chemo session. It was far less painful than the insertion of the canulars into my hands for the chemotherapy. I discussed this with the nurse who said that hands are far more painful but that they prefer chemotherapy to go into your hand as opposed to higher up the arm incase of leakage into the vein. Once this was in, we were seated in the waiting room pending the MRI being available. Lel has always come into the MRI scans with me as, whilst I am not hugely claustrophobic in the machines - I always request the eye mask before I go into it, as well as ear plugs and the headphones, I find holding Lel’s hand allows me to relax and not feel at all stressed. In fact, I find them quite enjoyable. Lel had to complete the consent form before coming in then I requested the mask as usual. One of the nurses recognised us from a previous scan and asked how I was getting on. They must see a lot of people so it was nice to be remembered. They were struggling to find a mask this time, I really must get hold of one of my own for future. This was located and I put it on before laying down, they put the ear plugs in for me, put the ear defenders on then moved me into position. Lel held my hand the whole time as the scan was going. I think I may have been close to falling asleep. I always imagine myself on the deck of the cruise ship on the way into Venice and it gets me through it. Scan done, it was back home before Lel dropped me into work for my shift. Work went smoothly with no dramas and I was back round 3 or so.

The 14th of Feb, valentine’s day mum and dad were coming over to take me to oxygen. As I woke up I realised that I hadn’t got Lel a card. This is the first year that this has happened and I felt awful when I realised this. I apologised, she hadn’t got me one either. Cards don’t matter, we tell each other daily how much we love each other and that’s what counts. Not a card or a present one day of the year, but that lasting and solid commitment through hell and high water to each other. As we have done on recent Tuesdays, we went to the Trafford Centre to Giraffe for lunch then headed on to HBOT. Following this we headed over the the MS therapy centre for my session. This was the second one I have had on ‘Plant’ as opposed to in the chamber and I thought I would attempt to meditate for an hour. This wasn’t the easiest as the oxygen is in a hallway by the entrance to the chambers and focussing on my breathing and ignoring the other noise was hard. When the hour was over, we headed back home having agreed that, being mum’s birthday on the 16th we would go out for dinner when Lel got home. Traffic was shocking, whether there was an accident somewhere or whether being valentine’s day everyone wanted to get home for something, I don’t know but it was shocking. We got Lel and got to Prezzo for dinner however the cute back home for mum and dad was looking like 2+hours so we were taking our time. Round 7.30 we left and headed back up home. Traffic by then was much clearer and mum and dad made it back within an hour.

On the 15th of Feb I headed into work for the shift. I was working away with the odd person coming and speaking to me. At around 3 I realised that it was exactly 6 months to the day since my accident and I became a bit overwhelmed. When someone asked me how I was, I filled up and realised that I really needed to go home. The enormity of the past 6 months and what had gone on struck me and just wanted to cry. Whilst there have been some really positive changes to my lifestyle, 6 months ago I was carefree and happy and could have gone anywhere and done anything and would happily do this. Had this all not happened we would have been about to go away for Lel’s birthday to Italy, as it is now, we have a weekend in London and Bristol which feels a poor substitute. I ended up going to bed a little bit early with a stinking headache, think it was stress induced. I refuse to believe that every headache is something to do with my tumour - especially since I know that it is shrinking.

On the 16th of Feb when I woke I wasn’t doing well, I still had a pounding head so for the first day in the week, didn’t go on the rebounder. I text mum to wish her happy birthday and hid the fact that I was feeling awful. She has had enough to deal with in the past 6 months to be allowed to have a good birthday. I contacted work to tell them that I was struggling and wouldn’t be able to be in for the day. I was flitting between crying and feeling solid that I could do this, but mainly crying. I did intend to write my blog that day but I couldn’t fathom how to begin. My brain was all over the place. All day I was dropping back the time frame of the day so from the point when I text Lel to tell her to call me in case I hadn’t woken up, to my call to 111, to going to A&E, to having the CT scan, phoning mum and dad and then being admitted.  It was not a good day. I know that I am allowed bad days but this was quite a shocker if I’m honest. 

Friday the 17th was my day off from working. I am still on 3 day week, 4 hours a day and again, I intended to write this. Instead having bounced I did 4 wash loads, vacuumed the house and changed the bed. I think I was trying to distract myself a little but I was also feeling so different to Wednesday and Thursday that I was determined that life would be normal again for a day. I also booked an eye test for the following day, as well as dentist appointments.

On Saturday the 18th we were up early and headed over to Trafford Centre for breakfast before doing a little bit of shopping and going for my eye test at 11:30. It was 2009 last time I had them tested and I figured that given the length of time, and recent events, I could do with them checking. I had also noticed that things had become a bit fuzzy when reading street signs / watching the television as I was not able to wear my old glasses due to pain over my scar by my ear. Having explained to three different optometrists the last 7 months, my eye test went ahead. I was very happy that there was no damage to the back of my eye and that my vision has only slightly reduced in 8 years! We were offered to have the glasses made up whilst we waited so headed back out for a bit more of a wander and to kill time. We popped into Holland and Barratt for a few bits, and whilst there I was insulted by a shop assistant who pretty much told me that I had really bad skin and that the only thing that would make it better was a £30 pot of cream, also that my body was massively missing nutrients. I left the store feeling awful. I had been having a really good morning, it’s amazing how one anonymous stranger can make your whole day crash down around you. We went for a brew whilst waiting for the glasses and I was nearly in tears. She was so thoughtless in her quest to sell a small pot of cream, which strangely enough, I refused to buy. I will not be going back to that branch of the store, I am a resilient person but I do not wish to be spoken to in that manner. I do not need that, I am dealing with enough at this time without an opinionated no-one casting their opinion over me.

Sunday the 19th was a trip to Chester to visit Lel’s dad, Pauline and Norah. We had a nice meal but after a couple of hours, by the time everyone was on dessert, I was exhausted and just wanted to go home so we set off home a bit earlier than planned. On getting home, I was wiped out and sat for a while, dozing.

On the morning of the 20th I had my smear booked in so headed to the doctors, walking with Lel. I explained to the nurse my previous history of grade 4 cells on my cervix and how, when the sample was re-tested through St. Mary’s there was nothing wrong with it, also how continued tests and checks proved that everything was ok, I was a little worried that there was no record of this on my file but already knew that whilst I was getting treatment under Mr Clayton at St Marys, I was still getting letters telling me I needed a smear - left hand could do with talking to the right hand maybe!! When I got to work round 10, I saw my boss for the first time in about 2 months. We have just kept not working at the same time. I had a supervision which was interesting - I am on a phased return to work which should include putting reasonable steps in place to get me back into work and keep me there however, HR want this to be completed within a month regardless of the condition! Hmmmm… I am currently working 3 days a week, 4 hours a day and HR have requested authorisation from my boss to only pay me for the hours that I am working. Fortunately at this point, she has refused this and is going to continue to do so so long as I start to increase my hours. I was also told that I am going to have to fight to get a favourable rating on my annual performance review. I was unhappy with this, saying that at my mid year review I had been told that I was in line for a 4, the highest rating therefore to now be told that I would be getting a poor if not a 0 rating was a total shock. I said this to my boss who I think was surprised that I was defending myself and called me a ‘tough little cookie’. I don't think she has seen that side of me before but over the past 7 months I have learnt a deep resilience that I may not have had before. As Macmillan says, no-one who has cancer should also have to fight with their work, it’s hard enough to fight cancer. I was a bit frustrated at this, but the supervision finished at 2, at which point my lift took me home. On getting back, I looked on the Macmillan website as I knew I had read somewhere that it was illegal under the disability discrimination act to provide a lower rating due to time off through cancer treatment! Having read this, I felt much more relaxed and happier, I emailed it to myself at work with the knowledge that when I complete my APR I can include this in my fight for a good rating. I went to work in the week between diagnosis and surgery and have been back since the middle of December therefore only fully absent for 3.5 months and whilst I am not yet back up to full duty strength I am doing jobs that someone else would have to do if I was not. Dinner was rancid, my first major fail in a long time! We had pancakes for pudding, there has to be some bonus for a bad main course!!

Tuesday the 21st I had my appointment with my GP for my next ‘return to work’ note. Mum and dad had headed over early to give me lift there so that I didn’t have to walk, to be honest, it’s not that far but it was very kind of them. On getting to the doctors, the waiting room was full of coughing people. I remembered what Catherine had told me, so asked the receptionist if there was a separate room I could wait in and explained why. She was lovely and found a spare treatment room where I was put to wait. After 15 minutes or so she came in and asked me if I was ok to go through to her room, which I explained that I was, just that I didn’t want to wait with everyone else which she said was very sensible. She asked how I was, I explained any side effects I’d had, i.e. very few and talked through my appointment with Dr T who she knows, she said ‘she doesn’t pull any punches does she?’ and also mentioned how her empathy isn’t huge! I asked for the next set of limited hours which, due to my chemo she recommended I do for the next 6 months however I explained the pressure from work and she reluctantly agreed to do it for 5 weeks only. She told me to come back for my next increase in hours and reminded me that if i get a cold or anything then I have to go back and see her as a matter of urgency. I am so so glad I changed doctors, she is very good and I feel reassured whenever I see her. We then did our usual and went to the Trafford Centre for an early lunch. Half term meant there were more children there that dung beetles in elephant poop! It was manic so we headed for food early, then after that went to get Lel a birthday card and some wrapping paper. Oxygen was fine, I do find that I struggle to relax as much when I’m on plant as in the chamber as the corridor is so busy but it is still doing me good. We had decided that with it being Lel’s birthday on the following day we would go out for dinner again so mum and dad stayed late again, we met Lel then headed to Prezzo for another lovely dinner. We were home by half 7 and chilled as normal.

Wednesday, Lel’s birthday, we were up early so she could open her presents. I want to make the day as nice for her as I can even though we’re not away any where so took her a brew up and let the dogs out to let her stay in bed a little longer. When she opened and read my card she burst into tears, I hadn’t meant to do that to her but this year has meant that kind gestures make us both upset at time. Pressies opened, we had breakfast together then she headed off to work. I was picked up earlier than normal for work, so was going to be doing 4.5hrs which would make work happy. I completed various tasks that I had been set during supervision and the day went very smoothly. A couple of practitioners came in to speak to me ask they wanted a chat about home life, it was nice that they still feel that I’m part of the team and that they want to come and talk to me, it felt very reassuring to me that I am still valued, by them, if not HR! She had asked me for spaghetti bolognese for dinner - I had offered her to go out for dinner but she wanted that so I made it once I returned from work and accidentally burned it as I got engrossed in writing some of this but she said it still tasted amazing! It was a quiet night but I ended up with a headache and went to bed with paracetamol.

On the Thursday morning, it was another early one for work. I was quite relaxed about the day as I have the whole of the following week off. I got everything done and started to try to complete my APR however found the categories confusing so, when after a chat with my boss she said I could go home a fraction early, I was very grateful. Mum and had had headed over again to collect the dogs and take them home for the weekend, to be returned on Wednesday when we are back and that’s where I am now. Clothes laid out on the bed ready for the trip, supplements packed, awaiting Lel to come home whilst messaging Iona on Facebook! I’m proud of my ability to multi-task still!